I want to simultaneously listen to this for forever and never again.

VIDEO GAME RECYCLING! :D

So I got a pretty new-to-me DS Lite for Christmas and three Pokemon games and a Harvest Moon game. And I've been pretty busy.

But right when I got them, there was stuff all over the place and the DS games are REALLY tiny (like, I thought I had issues keeping my Gameboy Advance games safe and not lost). And then I remembered how you can actually put GBA games in Gameboy Color game cases... (these things for those of you who never had a gameboy/never had the cases)

And so I found a couple of mine and HEY, THREE DS GAMES FIT IN ONE! Which is perfect for me 'cause I have four games--three go in the case and then one goes in the DS. Very useful!

And then I have an old GBA carrying case thingy that I got at a garage sale forever ago. It's long 'cause it was for the original GBA, not the square SPs.

That exact one, actually. :D

And, surprise surprise, the DS fits really well into that, too!

I got a cool new DS.

(Well, not that new, 'cause it's refurbished and not a 3DS--I feel like one of those would give me a headache anyway.)

And I'm using all my old stuff with it.

...

I feel cool.

(also, none of these are my pictures.)

Blue Screen of Death

Well, I was thinking about Paramore's My Heart in class the other day and how it has the lyric "my heart, it beats for only you." In the middle of a huge crush at the moment, I of course applied it to my current situation. But then I thought about how, really, of course my heart doesn't beat only for that guy. It beats, well, 'cause my brain tells it to (more or less, I think, I dunno).
And so this happened. I don't know quite what it is, but... I sort of like it. (Also, the 2012 only happens to be my graduation year/end of the world/this coming year by accident. It's a math thing, really. ((if someone wants to figure it out, hint hint--it's in base 35! ..sort of... kinda...)))

While it's a false statement to say my heart beats only for you
'Cause it's actually 'cause my brain tells it to
It's a little bit true
that when you come near
it beats faster and faster
And I can't breathe thought i should be able to
But my brain freezes up
My heart beats faster and faster, lungs shut down
Numbers and words come easy
'til you're around

You're my blue screen of death
Shutting me down
The wires cross and it doesn't work
There's been a fatal error
Nothing works but shutting down

Reboot the system, starting over
You're not here, yet the thoughts still linger
Brain moves sloooowlyyy, doesn't compute
A total system failure is eminent
I can't let go

You're my blue screen of death
Shutting me down
The wires cross and it doesn't work
There's been a fatal error
Nothing works but shutting down

two-oh-one-two
It's what I want to say
But that's not quite right, either

You're my blue screen of death
Shutting me down
The wires cross and it doesn't work
There's been a fatal error
Nothing works but shutting down

two-oh-one-two
I like you...

Pre-Calc: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Yesterday, in Pre-calc, my teacher was handing out the note packets and stopped at my table a little longer than normal. The conversation went something like this:

"You know, I've noticed that you go ahead in the book."

*questioning look*

"Copying the notes from there and stuff? Yeah, I saw. But last night, when I was typing this up, I remembered you did that, so I changed the last examples."

"Wha-- uh--"

"So ha! You can't do that anymore." *walks away*

*looking at notes* "Wha... why would she do that?! I understand the math... and I just do it so I can get my homework done quicker! Fine. You think I can't do this?"

(Ending of the story: I got my notes done early.)

INTRO OR EXTRO?

Obviously intro. Introvert, anyway.

Today I worked at the concession stand at school for a volleyball tournement. I was kind of nervous about it because it was a new situation and, let's be honest, I get nervous about ordering food at McDonald's sometimes. I got there and we started the thing up, though, and I was doing fine. It felt nice to work and do stuff. I freaked out a little at the prospect of handling money, but that was mostly because I was worried about not giving back the right amount of change and being called out on it. (It only happened once, on accident, because I didn't realize we had a severe lack of dimes.) I kind of learned how to count it backwards (you know, the bill is $1.50, they give you a five, so .50 makes two dollars, then 3, 4, 5, there's your change). I thought maybe I could do general public, retail-y things for a job.

But then I came home and was so tired and I couldn't even write. It may have been from the lack of food (I worked eight hours on a protein shake and some popcorn because I was waiting until I was actually hungry to have my free hot dog and then we were down to only two and I couldn't have one), but I think the whole introvert thing played a part, too. See, apparently the way to see if you're an extrovert or an introvert is to see how you react to big, social things. Come away energized and excited? You're an extrovert. Come away exhausted? Well, join the club, you're an introvert. We meet on Mondays and fidget nervously while making awkward small talk for a few hours. Our jackets are prettty cool, too; they read "uhhh ummm yeah" across the back in big, bold letters.

Okay, that's less of an introvert thing and more of a shy awkward person thing, but whatever. I'm a member of both clubs and confuse them a lot.

(There, Bruce, I posted.)

Anxiety Cat, you so helpful!

So I don't know if any of this can even apply 'cause I don't know if I've actually got an anxiety disorder, buuuuuut.... it's still a helpful set of lists. C:

things we are trying to do all the time:

1. be safe

things we can’t help but do all the time:

1. second-guess ourselves

2. behave impulsively and reactively

3. take everything personally

4. worry

5. worry

6. worry

7. have difficulty accepting compliments

8. have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures

9. have difficulty finding the courage to respond

10. have difficulty not being suspicious of others’ intentions

11. make a huge deal out of the smallest thing

things you should keep in mind:

1. we’re scared of everything

2. pretty much all of the time

3. it’s an actual disorder

4. it manifests as impulsive behavior

5. you can’t fix us with words

6. telling us “worrying is silly” won’t make us stop worrying

7. it’ll only make us feel silly

8. and then we’ll worry even more

9. “oh god, am i worrying too much? what if they call me silly again?”

10. like that

11. also, we wear a lot of armor

12. cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes

13. we constructed this armor as children

14. we’re fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart

15. but there is a nice person under there, we promise

things you can do for a friend with an anxiety disorder:

1. stick around

2. ask them if they’re comfortable in a place or situation

3. be willing to change the place or situation if not

4. activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!

5. talk to them even when they might not talk back

6. (they’re probably too afraid to say the wrong thing)

7. try not to take their reactions (or lack thereof) personally

8. (the way they expresses themself is distorted and bent because of their constant fear)

9. (and they knows this)

10. give them time to respond to you

11. they will obsess over how they are being interpreted

12. they will anticipate being judged

13. it took me four hours just to type this much

14. even though i sound casual

15. that’s because i have an anxiety disorder

things you shouldn’t do:

1. tell us not to worry

2. tell us we’ll be fine

3. mistake praise for comfort

4. ask us if we are “getting help”

5. force us to be social

6. force us to do things that trigger us

7. “face your fears” doesn’t always work

8. because—remember—scared of everything

9. in fact, it would be more accurate to say we are scared of the fear itself

emergency action procedure for panic attacks:

1. be calm

2. be patient

3. don’t be condescending

4. remind us that we’re not “crazy”

5. sit with us

6. ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one

7. remind us that we are breathing

8. engage us in a discussion (if we can talk, then we can breathe)

9. if we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly

10. or breathe through our nose

11. or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath

12. ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe

13. help us change it

14. usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side willing to fight our scary monsters with us is enough to calm us down

if you have an anxiety disorder:

1. it’s okay.

2. even if you worry that it’s not okay.

3. it’s still okay. it’s okay to be scared. it’s okay to be scared of being scared.

4. you are not crazy. you are not a freak.

5. i know there’s a person under all that armor.

6. and i know you feel isolated because of it.

7. i won’t make you take it off.

8. but know that you are not alone.

(see the cool here)

It was great when it all began-- I was a regular Frankie fan.

I DRESSED UP AS COLUMBIA TODAY.

(kind of xD)

IT WAS PRETTY COOL.

I had better make-up at the start of the day, but apparently my eyeliner is crap. xD And I had band, so no mo' lipstick. And I was tired when I got home from school, so I didn't bother re-doing it. -__-

Here's a practice picture, though. :D

so yeah. NEXT MONTH I WILL ALSO DRESS UP... and the month after that and the month after that because I'm cool like that. And dressing up is fun and I just wanna do it for my senior year. Because dressing up is soooo much fuuuuuun!!!!

...yeah.