I want to simultaneously listen to this for forever and never again.

VIDEO GAME RECYCLING! :D

So I got a pretty new-to-me DS Lite for Christmas and three Pokemon games and a Harvest Moon game. And I've been pretty busy.

But right when I got them, there was stuff all over the place and the DS games are REALLY tiny (like, I thought I had issues keeping my Gameboy Advance games safe and not lost). And then I remembered how you can actually put GBA games in Gameboy Color game cases... (these things for those of you who never had a gameboy/never had the cases)

And so I found a couple of mine and HEY, THREE DS GAMES FIT IN ONE! Which is perfect for me 'cause I have four games--three go in the case and then one goes in the DS. Very useful!

And then I have an old GBA carrying case thingy that I got at a garage sale forever ago. It's long 'cause it was for the original GBA, not the square SPs.

That exact one, actually. :D

And, surprise surprise, the DS fits really well into that, too!

I got a cool new DS.

(Well, not that new, 'cause it's refurbished and not a 3DS--I feel like one of those would give me a headache anyway.)

And I'm using all my old stuff with it.

...

I feel cool.

(also, none of these are my pictures.)

Blue Screen of Death

Well, I was thinking about Paramore's My Heart in class the other day and how it has the lyric "my heart, it beats for only you." In the middle of a huge crush at the moment, I of course applied it to my current situation. But then I thought about how, really, of course my heart doesn't beat only for that guy. It beats, well, 'cause my brain tells it to (more or less, I think, I dunno).
And so this happened. I don't know quite what it is, but... I sort of like it. (Also, the 2012 only happens to be my graduation year/end of the world/this coming year by accident. It's a math thing, really. ((if someone wants to figure it out, hint hint--it's in base 35! ..sort of... kinda...)))

While it's a false statement to say my heart beats only for you
'Cause it's actually 'cause my brain tells it to
It's a little bit true
that when you come near
it beats faster and faster
And I can't breathe thought i should be able to
But my brain freezes up
My heart beats faster and faster, lungs shut down
Numbers and words come easy
'til you're around

You're my blue screen of death
Shutting me down
The wires cross and it doesn't work
There's been a fatal error
Nothing works but shutting down

Reboot the system, starting over
You're not here, yet the thoughts still linger
Brain moves sloooowlyyy, doesn't compute
A total system failure is eminent
I can't let go

You're my blue screen of death
Shutting me down
The wires cross and it doesn't work
There's been a fatal error
Nothing works but shutting down

two-oh-one-two
It's what I want to say
But that's not quite right, either

You're my blue screen of death
Shutting me down
The wires cross and it doesn't work
There's been a fatal error
Nothing works but shutting down

two-oh-one-two
I like you...

Pre-Calc: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Yesterday, in Pre-calc, my teacher was handing out the note packets and stopped at my table a little longer than normal. The conversation went something like this:

"You know, I've noticed that you go ahead in the book."

*questioning look*

"Copying the notes from there and stuff? Yeah, I saw. But last night, when I was typing this up, I remembered you did that, so I changed the last examples."

"Wha-- uh--"

"So ha! You can't do that anymore." *walks away*

*looking at notes* "Wha... why would she do that?! I understand the math... and I just do it so I can get my homework done quicker! Fine. You think I can't do this?"

(Ending of the story: I got my notes done early.)

INTRO OR EXTRO?

Obviously intro. Introvert, anyway.

Today I worked at the concession stand at school for a volleyball tournement. I was kind of nervous about it because it was a new situation and, let's be honest, I get nervous about ordering food at McDonald's sometimes. I got there and we started the thing up, though, and I was doing fine. It felt nice to work and do stuff. I freaked out a little at the prospect of handling money, but that was mostly because I was worried about not giving back the right amount of change and being called out on it. (It only happened once, on accident, because I didn't realize we had a severe lack of dimes.) I kind of learned how to count it backwards (you know, the bill is $1.50, they give you a five, so .50 makes two dollars, then 3, 4, 5, there's your change). I thought maybe I could do general public, retail-y things for a job.

But then I came home and was so tired and I couldn't even write. It may have been from the lack of food (I worked eight hours on a protein shake and some popcorn because I was waiting until I was actually hungry to have my free hot dog and then we were down to only two and I couldn't have one), but I think the whole introvert thing played a part, too. See, apparently the way to see if you're an extrovert or an introvert is to see how you react to big, social things. Come away energized and excited? You're an extrovert. Come away exhausted? Well, join the club, you're an introvert. We meet on Mondays and fidget nervously while making awkward small talk for a few hours. Our jackets are prettty cool, too; they read "uhhh ummm yeah" across the back in big, bold letters.

Okay, that's less of an introvert thing and more of a shy awkward person thing, but whatever. I'm a member of both clubs and confuse them a lot.

(There, Bruce, I posted.)

Anxiety Cat, you so helpful!

So I don't know if any of this can even apply 'cause I don't know if I've actually got an anxiety disorder, buuuuuut.... it's still a helpful set of lists. C:

things we are trying to do all the time:

1. be safe

things we can’t help but do all the time:

1. second-guess ourselves

2. behave impulsively and reactively

3. take everything personally

4. worry

5. worry

6. worry

7. have difficulty accepting compliments

8. have difficulty reciprocating friendly gestures

9. have difficulty finding the courage to respond

10. have difficulty not being suspicious of others’ intentions

11. make a huge deal out of the smallest thing

things you should keep in mind:

1. we’re scared of everything

2. pretty much all of the time

3. it’s an actual disorder

4. it manifests as impulsive behavior

5. you can’t fix us with words

6. telling us “worrying is silly” won’t make us stop worrying

7. it’ll only make us feel silly

8. and then we’ll worry even more

9. “oh god, am i worrying too much? what if they call me silly again?”

10. like that

11. also, we wear a lot of armor

12. cold, heavy, affection-proof armor with spikes

13. we constructed this armor as children

14. we’re fairly certain you will never be able to pry it apart

15. but there is a nice person under there, we promise

things you can do for a friend with an anxiety disorder:

1. stick around

2. ask them if they’re comfortable in a place or situation

3. be willing to change the place or situation if not

4. activities that help them take their mind off of things are good!

5. talk to them even when they might not talk back

6. (they’re probably too afraid to say the wrong thing)

7. try not to take their reactions (or lack thereof) personally

8. (the way they expresses themself is distorted and bent because of their constant fear)

9. (and they knows this)

10. give them time to respond to you

11. they will obsess over how they are being interpreted

12. they will anticipate being judged

13. it took me four hours just to type this much

14. even though i sound casual

15. that’s because i have an anxiety disorder

things you shouldn’t do:

1. tell us not to worry

2. tell us we’ll be fine

3. mistake praise for comfort

4. ask us if we are “getting help”

5. force us to be social

6. force us to do things that trigger us

7. “face your fears” doesn’t always work

8. because—remember—scared of everything

9. in fact, it would be more accurate to say we are scared of the fear itself

emergency action procedure for panic attacks:

1. be calm

2. be patient

3. don’t be condescending

4. remind us that we’re not “crazy”

5. sit with us

6. ask us to tighten and relax our muscles one by one

7. remind us that we are breathing

8. engage us in a discussion (if we can talk, then we can breathe)

9. if we are having trouble breathing, try getting us to exhale slowly

10. or breathe through our nose

11. or have us put our hands on our stomach to feel each breath

12. ask us what needs to change in our environment in order for us to feel safe

13. help us change it

14. usually, just knowing that we have someone on our side willing to fight our scary monsters with us is enough to calm us down

if you have an anxiety disorder:

1. it’s okay.

2. even if you worry that it’s not okay.

3. it’s still okay. it’s okay to be scared. it’s okay to be scared of being scared.

4. you are not crazy. you are not a freak.

5. i know there’s a person under all that armor.

6. and i know you feel isolated because of it.

7. i won’t make you take it off.

8. but know that you are not alone.

(see the cool here)

It was great when it all began-- I was a regular Frankie fan.

I DRESSED UP AS COLUMBIA TODAY.

(kind of xD)

IT WAS PRETTY COOL.

I had better make-up at the start of the day, but apparently my eyeliner is crap. xD And I had band, so no mo' lipstick. And I was tired when I got home from school, so I didn't bother re-doing it. -__-

Here's a practice picture, though. :D

so yeah. NEXT MONTH I WILL ALSO DRESS UP... and the month after that and the month after that because I'm cool like that. And dressing up is fun and I just wanna do it for my senior year. Because dressing up is soooo much fuuuuuun!!!!

...yeah.

I feel like I'm developing a terrible habit here.

So, yeah, I can't sleep, despite being pretty tired. Same thing happened last night and I was up until four-thirty. I don't want to do that again, so let's hope I can get to sleep this time.

But, of course, instead of actually trying to sleep, I'm bloggin'! Yeah. But I'm trying to get myself into the habit of writing because, well, I wanted to blog more because I feel like it's good for me to write at least a little thing every day that isn't some odd blurb on Facebook or Tumblr, so yeah. YAY BLOGGER!

Last night I spent a lot of time reading the Bloggess. She's pretty hilarious, so it's easy to see how time got away from me so quickly. I also watched most of Easy A and an episode of Doug. (Which, for some reason, I started typing as an inappropriate word that has a similar beginning.) If I'm up late enough, I might watch some more 90s are all that or whatever Teen Nick is calling it.

What I've done so far, though? Well, I tried to sleep for about half an hour and just ended up reading some Heretics of Dune. I also dinked around with McCarthy, my guitar. Workin' on that upstroke or whatever it's called 'cause I'm so bad at it. Then I tried to sleep more but it didn't work, so I ended up taking care of a shameful pile of clean laundry that I'd been ignoring.

Yes. I am bad at putting my laundry away. And also apparently typing the word "laundry" because I've typed it as "launfry" and "lauundry" a couple of times now. I am terrible. Or maybe I just need sleep.

Something I noticed while taking care of my laun(f)dry: I have a lot of graphic t-shirts. I mean, a lot. If anyone has ever paid attention to what I wear to school, they've probably noticed it. I picked out some shirts that I never wear anymore and I'm okay to part with, but... still. I have a lot. Which makes me think that I need to find a super laid-back job where it's okay to wear such things and I can also never go to a formal event ever. Unless I have the stockpile of hand-me-downs and Megan's closet. Because I really, really like graphic tees. .___.

I also have several funny hats, including a white fedora, a black bowler, a top hat that might actually be Megan's, and a yellow-orange-pink fuzzy one from Mackinac Island or maybe just the city I don't remember (I didn't actually go on the trip so I don't feel I'm obligated to).

Aaaaand now I think I'm gonna try and sleep. Because I really don't want to be fixing this habit the night before school starts.

TEAM UNICORN!!!

YES! I have the anthology of zombie and unicorn stories called Zombies vs. Unicorns. The amazing Ms. Holly Black is a part of it (Team Unicorn, of course) and the idea itself is so cool that I had to have it. And I am completely Team Unicorn. I was kind of iffy about it--I mean, zombies are kinda cool, too. But Carrie Ryan's story in it sealed the deal for me. I mean, it's only the second zombie story (I still plan on reading the rest, though) and it just reminded me of how freaked out I get thinking about zombies. I mean, dude! THEY DON'T STOP. They bite you and tear into your flesh and AUUUUUGH. >< Terrible and scary. Just bad.

This is probably why I won't ever do the Zombie walk downtown; yeah, it sounds fun, but I would probably get really freaked out. Most people are messing around and not really acting like zombies, but I don't trust Grand Rapids as a whole with not freaking me out. Same thing with Zomb. I'm sorry, Zoe, but I will never go to Zomb because, whether I'm playing a human or a zombie, I will get freaked the fffffffff out. And I do not get that thrilled by freak outs. Okay, maybe sometimes. But zombies are a liiiiittle too far for me.

And I think that's it. I'm tired and sleep must be had. (...or maybe I'll read some Dune. *_*)

See, Bruce? I didn't mention you once!

Wait...

WHO GOT BORED?

I GOT BORED.

So these are the heroes from my story, Chuck! :D From left to right, we have Becky, the ghost girl, Henry, new biffle of Sierra, and then Sierra, the protagonist. :D

I actually had to redo this. Becky is the only one who stayed in the same house. xD I totally got Henry and Sierra wrong. But hey! It made me think about their character more which is good.

Becky is Slytherin not because she is technically working for the bad guy, but because she had a bit of a desperate time in high school and did whatever it took to be popular. (I'm sure you know where that is going.) I'm sorta kinda working on a side story for that, but yeah. It's kind of weird to write and it needs a little work. (A lot of work.) Maybe if Chuck ever gets published and it's done, I can put it in with that. :'D

Henry was originally Gryffindor because I did it without really thinking. He's the good guy, which makes him Gryffindor, right? BUT NO! His defining quality is not his bravery, but his determination to become Sierra's friend! He is really accepting of people and I feel like he transcends the social boundaries somehow. (Probably using his adorableness. He is so cute sometimes, even when he is covered in snot and tears.)

And I made Sierra a stereotypical Ravenclaw because she likes to read and write. It's kind of her thing. But, she doesn't like school, she doesn't really like learning all too much... unless it's weird facts she can put in her next story. So what is she? What's so defining? By golly, Sierra is stubborn. Really, really stubborn. She is shoved out of her trio of friends in eighth grade, and what happens? She says SCREW YOU, People! I will not deal with you. I will deal with my fiction and that will be that. Hmph. She tells herself that it's all people that are the problem and believes it for the next three years. She also makes herself believe that Henry only talks to her because no one else is talking to him to keep up with that idea. (In reality, Henry is actually pretty popular; a real social butterfly. No one talked to him when he was talking to Sierra, though, because she was the weird girl no one talked to.) GAAAAH THIS IS DOING SUCH WONDERFUL THINGS FOR MY CHARACTERIZATION. I must write something from Henry's perspective. It would probably be so much fun.

And Chuck is obvs. Villain is Slytherin.

I feel so pretty, and girly, and SPLODEY!

Guess who's still alive?! That's right, ME! Man, it's been forever since I wrote on here. Why? Probably because I feel bad about short nonsense posts on blogger. I like using Tumblr for quick thoughts that have no real purpose.

(Although it's probably because no one has my tumblr URL other than Anna. And lately, I haven't been feeling very let's-post-where-people-who-don't-like-me-know-where-I-post.)

But, y'know, whatever. I'm not feeling spiteful in any way, shape, or form right now, so LET'S POST WHERE PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE ME KNOW WHERE I POST!

Alrighty, so I just actually looked at my posts and I haven't posted something like a real blog post since April. 30 day challenges and lame-o song lyrics do not count.

So, I think I'm gonna try blogging on a semi-regular basis again. Just for me. I might post this on Facebook just to let people know that I'm at it again, but otherwise... meh. Get here yerselves. Honorary emu is something that makes my URL a little easier to remember, I think.

I've been feeling weirdly girly lately. I still won't do purses (they're MESSENGER BAGS and TOTES. MESSENGER BAGS AND TOTES.) or wear make-up every day (gaaah too much woooork), but I almost feel like doing things with my hair. *_* And, speaking of my hair, I can't do anything fun until after senior pictures!!! D: And, if I'm really gonna be Cheetara for Halloween this year like I'd like to be, then... I'ma need either blonde hair or a wig. I kind of want to try blonde hair, despite my uber dark eyebrows. I'd probably style it Cheetara-like every day. (Unless Ms. Sue thinks she can do polka spots ((is that even possible?!)), I don't think there will be any.) Thoughts?

Nenna has also been slightly splodey. Today I kind of went off on my mom for reasons that are still sorta unknown to me. ._. I mean, I guess I was upset that she seemed to be implying that my handwriting was absolutely freaking terrible even though it was completely legible. I mean, I know when my handwriting's bad. This wasn't one of those times. And then I formatted the list slightly weird and Tech didn't seem to have a fax number I could give to the school to send out my transcript with... and... yeah. I was a little frustrated and yelled and threw stuff when I shouldn't have. I stormed off to my room like an angsty, angry teenager and I didn't like it. I usually pride myself on not being the stereotypical teenager, yet there I was, being a stereotypical teenager. Murrrrrrr.

Next school year sounds kind of scary. I was thinking about that today. Maybe that's why I was on edge? I mean, it's gonna suck okay maybe not. It'll just be weird the first few weeks, I'm sure. Adjusting to what will hopefully be a very empty schedule (totally dropping that Ferris bloody medical thing; free college or not, I don't think I can handle it. Plus, I totally want to try for that empty schedule. I have, like, four required classes, if you count Modern Problems. And hub. That makes for an empty schedule at least for part of the year.). (Very long parenthetical is very long.) Figuring out where the fffffffffffff I'm gonna sit at lunch. Getting to do lots of yelling commands in band. Hopefully *crosses fingers* not yelling and screaming as much as I did at the beginning of last year. Honestly, I think the fact that there are more kids (can I call Evan, Shane, Tyler, etc. kids? I mean, Tyler's actually older than me!) will hold me back. I felt embarrassed enough when I did it in front of the kids from last year and I barely knew half of them. I only saw them three times a week for an hour and a half, maybe, if they decided to come to hub every day. The boys, however, I see every day at school and that would lead to much more oh gawd are they judging me for freaking out!??!?!!? But yeah. I'm tired of City kids getting to see so much EMOTIONAL!Jenna. And I'm sure everyone else is tired of seeing her, too.

Ummmm... I think that's about it. But yeah, tl;dr: Jenna is back and still worrying and thinking about trivial things. And oh Cheetara's in there somewhere too.

I wrote a song today.

I haven't written any in awhile and it's got no music, so I guess it doesn't count as a song. But yeah. It's probably icky. Here it is anyway.

Twisted my heart and soul
Tore me apart
I reassembled the pieces
Yet not quite whole
A monster
You created a monster

Fran-ken-stein, Fran-ken-stein,
Fran-ken-stein's monster
That's me
and you're the doctor

Pillaging the village
Your life's in shambles
You never saw this coming
Did you? Did you?!
You never see what's coming
Till it comes for you

Fran-ken-stein, Fran-ken-stein,
Fran-ken-stein's monster
That's me
and you're the doctor

Destroy and terrify
That's all I do
Wreck your life
Like you did mine
And it's all because of you...

Fran-ken-stein, Fran-ken-stein,
Fran-ken-stein's monster
That's me
and you're the doctor

Obvsly it's called Frankenstein. And I don't quite like the chorus, but nuffin else was comin' to mind. So whatevs.

edit: Dunno if anyone cares, but the last two lines of the second verse and the bridge got tweaks...but whatevs. I like it better this way and the song's more than 2 and a half minutes long. xP (Barely.)

Day Twenty-Two: An Underrated Movie

I couldn't think of an overrated movie and I was also busy in Grand Haven yesterday. So meh.

Yes. I understand why it probably didn't do so hot at first--Black Cauldron scared me to death when I was little. I mean, the Horned King is FREAKY. D: And the cauldron itself? Nyeeeaaaaagh. Creepy. But it's still a good movie, I think, and I lubs me some Henwen. :3 And Eilonwy. People always forget about her when talking about princesses, don't they? Well, whatever. She was a pretty sweet princess.

Day Twenty: Favorite Sequel

Yesssssss?

I thought it was kinda like the first one, but slightly less intense? I dunno. But it was one of the best done. (And I already did Tory Story 3... xP) But I love the songs from this one and I lub Kiara and Kovu. :D Disney did goo' on this one.

Also, no end of world? Or was that six o'clock EST? 'Cause then I guess we've gone seven hours or sommat. BUT THEN I CAN'T WATCH THE NEW DOCTOR WHO. O____O

Day Nineteen: Least Favorite Pixar Movie

I'm sure you saw this coming.

I JUST don't like Cars as much as the other movies. It's a good movie; it's funny and has the cool moment where McQueen lets the older car win his last race. And it's cool! But...it's just not as special as the others, y'know? I don't feel the same kind of AWWWWWWW that I do when I watch UP or Finding Nemo. It doesn't have the same effect, so I don't like it as much. D: Plus, it took me way too long to think of what the special moment was. (That might've been due to my lame memory, though.)

And, because I'm lazy, I'll just keep going day-to-day from here. I'm not catching up on three days all in one. >>

Day Eighteen: Favorite Pixar Film

DUDE THIS WAS SO GOOD

Somehow my sister and I convinced our dad to take us to the midnight showing and then we got another friend to go with us and it was SO COOL. I absolutely LOVED this movie so much and as soon as it came out on DVD we had to get it. It's got laughs and a great villain (I wanted a Lotso SO MUCH and then he was the bad guy; whatever, I totally still have one) and SO MUCH AWESOME. Augh. I love this movie.

Close second is probably Monsters Inc. I lub Boo and Sully.

Day Seventeen: Least Favorite Classic

I..I DON'T KNOW WHY. I'M SORRY IF YOU LIKE IT.

I just didn't watch it as much growing up. I mean, Maleficent is fantastic. She's a great villain. I..I just don't like the movie she's in much. D:

Day Sixteen: Favorite Classic

Well, to do this one, I actually googled to see what is considered a "classic." Most were the older ones, soooo...

JUNGLE BOOK YES?! :D

I like the Jungle Book mostly because of the songs. And, also, that if you listen to Kaa's song...and imagine it's Pooh Bear...things are suddenly very creepy. o3o But the songs are mostly awesome 'cause they're jazzy and then cool 'cause I like the buzzards. :D

BUT DARN YOU AND YOUR LOW NOTES, SHERE KHAAAAAAAAN! ><

Day Fifteen: First Movie

Um...this probably explains why I'm so weird. xD

Yes. My first movie was apparently The Nightmare Before Christmas. I am not surprised, considering we both came about in '93 and I used to have to watch it to sleep...but...yay! xD I'm kind of excited that it was this and not a usual princess movie. In addition to this, I DO know my first in-theatre movie was Pocahontas. :D And yay. I are happy.

ALSO TODAY ISH PROM. WHUT. FUN.

Day Fourteen: Favorite Kiss

I DON'T KNOW WHY

BUT IT IS.

Also, least favorite song got skipped because

a) I couldn't think of one

and b) I was busy and tired and BLAH.

c) car accident trauma blah?

d) okay, not car accident trauma, really, 'cause I'm pretty okay now.

e) it was still freaky.

f) tangled kiss makes it better, though.

Okay I think I figured out why I like it. 'Cause Rapunzel's all "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" like a little kid and Eugene's like "what? Oh, k, this is nice. :D"