I hope you're happy.

Oh, look, I'm writing another one today. Maybe it'll be more substantial than the last? Maybe. It really all depends on how ramble-y I get. Rambling is what I do best, of course...it's good for papers, you know. Then you only have to know enough so you can ramble--or, as others might say, bs--your way through the paper. I've gotten a lot of A's with that method...

See? I've rambled on to a completely different subject. On to what I was really hoping to talk--type?--about. I've used the phrase "I hope you're happy" a lot lately. Usually it's playfully, because someone's gotten a song stuck in my head (this actually cures it, as I get Defying Gravity stuck in my head), but I've been thinking, and it fits other parts of my life right now, too.

I've been pretty upset with a couple of friends the past few days because of their feelings for each other. These friends could probably pretty easily come across this, but I highly doubt that they would have the attention span to read through these (which is saying a lot, considering I haven't written all that much so far). Why should I be upset about them liking each other? I shouldn't, really. I have no right to. Sure, I used to date one of them. Used to is the key phrase, though. We've been separated for half a year now. I have no say in what he does. But, when he says that he doesn't want to love because he believes that to love, you need to hate, and he doesn't want to hate, I get a little mad, y'know? The fact that he had to put in that every time he said "I love you" that he was lying didn't help, either. I mean, I'm over him (hahahahahahaaaaa, I love it when I lie to myself), but still. Hearing that EVERY time (and I mean to everyone) he said "I love you", he was lying? Yeah. That's a little hurtful, in my book. In most people's books, I think. The other friend just broke up with her boyfriend a little while ago, and while I'll admit he was a jerkface, I still think that switching to a new boyfriend this soon is...well...a little soon. Half of my two followers know this already, because I kind of explained it on the way to Winter Jam (love you Annaaaaa). I'm trying not to be mad at them, even though some people seem to just be fanning the fire. I'm just trying to think that I'm happy for them, or at least hoping that they're happy. They obviously are, if you're friends with them on Facebook. .....gawd, I just realized how much band is going to suck tomorrow. Oh dear....let's hope that someone decides to go to their third hour, mmmm? I mean, I know he isn't, but let's hope all the same, yes? Yes.

Other situations where I'd say "I hope you're happy"? Not many, actually. Songs and broken hearts are the only real situations right now. But what exactly do I mean in this heartbroken place that I'm in when I say that? Pretty much what it says. I hope they're happy. Despite all the crap I'm feeling, and how much I'd love to smack both of them, I really, really hope they're happy. I know that both of them have been through enough crap. I know I've caused crap for him. So why should I bring them down with any of my stuff? (Heh, I just reminded myself of Tony Nolan and his talk at Winter Jam...) They've done nothing to deserve me taking this out on them, so why should I try to? It's my own stupid thoughts and feelings that are doing this to me, so I shouldn't make them feel bad about any of this. It's. Not. Their. Fault. It's no one's. It's just how it is.

So. Am I an honorary emo kid now?

Just getting started....

So, I've tried this blogging thing before. Heck, one of my teachers even used this site for a project (Mrs. Mabin, I miss you so muchhhhh). I've never really stuck to it before, though. Why? Because I'm a flaky teenager, that's why. Even now I'm thinking of just giving up on this whole thing because of what the people I know might think if I decide to share this with the world. Especially a certain ex-busker I know that also haunts these waters. But I'm pretty sure that I will at least try to stick with this for a while. Why? I think that maybe, just maybe, the shizz I've been through lately has made me an honorary emo kid now. And every emo kid needs a blog that they whine about their mediocre lives in.

Well, that and I need somewhere to post my thoughts other than notes on Facebook. Strangely enough, I get this distinction that I come off really, really whiney in those. And lame. And attempting to sound deep. Ugh. At least that's what you expect in a blog, right? Thought provoking thoughts typed up in a flurry of flying fingers! ....or slowly moving ones, typing one letter at a time, hunt-and-pecking all the way through, hitting the backspace more than enough times to sit and rewrite what you just wrote. Getting stuck with writer's block as you try and think of the next witty and thought provoking thing to say. Then a flurry of typing as you think of something perfect! ...then backspacing because it sounds stupid. That's writing in a nutshell, isn't it? I think so.

But, I also think that if someone says that they don't want to love that they aren't going to love, so maybe my logic is completely wrong. ....then again, if they say this at only sixteen, then you shouldn't believe what they say at all, right? They're just a stupid kid, they don't know how life is going to affect them in the future. So anything that they say about the future, especially about LOVE, should be automatically filed under "bs," right? Or maaaaaybe you should believe them, because they should know what they believe, even at sixteen.

....hmmmmm. Hope I've left you with enough thought-provoking for the time being, because I'm all blogged-out. Although, I still wonder...am I an honorary emo kid now?