Eh heh heh....I really am NOT good at keeping up with this. Oh well. At least I'm making a little bit of an attempt.
Life's been a little...euuuuh...hectic lately. Another rock concert, stupid, stupid feelings, and even stupider (more stupid? eh, I don't even care right now) friends.
Okay, maybe they're not completely stupid. They're just being annoying in the fact that they're off gallavanting and having fun....while I'm sitting in a pool of self-pity and going crazy. Yeah. A big group of my buddies spent a lot of time at the beach this weekend, I hear. These buddies, of course, neglected to invite adorable Jenna. And why's that, I wonder? Probably because, as a shy person, I tend to blend in. A lot. And blending in doesn't mean you come to mind when trying to think of fun and awesome people to invite to a beach visit.
Yeah, yeah, I can't blame it all on them, but it's not exactly all MY fault either, is it? I'm shy. That's how it is. I can't change that fact and I do the best I can to try and be more outgoing, but no one seems willing to try and help me out. I'm timid and shy and quiet and will probably complain about having to move but just because I'm lazy does NOT MEAN I DON'T LIKE HAVING THINGS TO DO! I mean, really! No one likes laying around the house all day, ESPECIALLY when they're having a crappy day! I spent all of this beautiful weekend sleeping and watching TV or video games and being on the computer. How horrible is that? And my friends went to the fricking beach without me, while inviting a whole bunch of other people. What the heck? Why is it so hard to invite the quiet girl to do stuff? Who knows, you might just LEARN more about her or get her to open up a little more, then she wouldn't be so quiet. And wouldn't that be nice?
.....good GOD I need to get out of this house....
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Horrible? Not really so? I dunno.
I'm feeling a little horrible with myself today. 'Cuz, for one, a friend messaged me at one o'clock this morning as an emotional wreck and you know where I was? Fast asleep. It really, really made me wish that I had stayed up to watch that Doctor Who episode, but no, I was exhausted from soccer in the morning, then running around getting Megan's confirmation cross and stuff from the thrift store, then Nikki's Sweet Sixteen later to want to stay up and watch it.
And after I felt bad about not being able to comfort them when they probably needed it, you know what I did? I felt special because they came to me. I've come to this person to help me out with my problems loads of times before, at first just to get a guy's perspective and then later 'cuz I just wanted to talk to him more. It made me feel special that he came to me when he was an emotional wreck. He could've just talked to his brother (or....maybe not...he might make him feel like an idiot, now that I think about it) or maybe some other friend. But he came to me and that made me feel absolutely special. And, of course, while he's being all emotional-wreck-y (or was, rather) I'm feeling all special and la-dee-dee-da, so I feel horrible again.
After reading through the message and what he'd decided to do (neither of which I'm specifying on because he probably doesn't want the whole internet to know), I was kind of really proud of him. He was sticking to what he believed and was getting rid of people that didn't fit that. Which might not work in all cases...but it definitely does here. Most definitely indeed.
And while I was feeling proud, I kind of felt horrible again. I don't think I'd ever be able to do what he's doing. I'm too close to too many people that fit that mold and I'm afraid of losing them. I'm too scared to lose anyone that I might be really close to without freaking out. But I was still really proud of him. This mold apparently has over fifty percent of his friends that fit it...and that's a lot of friends to get rid of. (...and in all honesty, it made me like him so much more.)
I kind of feel like my response to his message, which was bits and pieces of this here, was kind of lame. But it was all I could think of. He was the advice giver, not me. I've never been good at helping people, even those I really, really care about. I just spout the first thing that comes to mind and leave it at that. I try to cheer them up, even if that's not exactly what they want. Cheering up is always my first instinct, maybe because I think that's all I'm good at. So I guess I feel that I did kind of a horrible job of being the "guru" that he's always been for me and I feel really bad about it. I still can't wait for him to get out of work so maybe we can talk a little more and maybe I can get a little bit better at this guru thing.
And after I felt bad about not being able to comfort them when they probably needed it, you know what I did? I felt special because they came to me. I've come to this person to help me out with my problems loads of times before, at first just to get a guy's perspective and then later 'cuz I just wanted to talk to him more. It made me feel special that he came to me when he was an emotional wreck. He could've just talked to his brother (or....maybe not...he might make him feel like an idiot, now that I think about it) or maybe some other friend. But he came to me and that made me feel absolutely special. And, of course, while he's being all emotional-wreck-y (or was, rather) I'm feeling all special and la-dee-dee-da, so I feel horrible again.
After reading through the message and what he'd decided to do (neither of which I'm specifying on because he probably doesn't want the whole internet to know), I was kind of really proud of him. He was sticking to what he believed and was getting rid of people that didn't fit that. Which might not work in all cases...but it definitely does here. Most definitely indeed.
And while I was feeling proud, I kind of felt horrible again. I don't think I'd ever be able to do what he's doing. I'm too close to too many people that fit that mold and I'm afraid of losing them. I'm too scared to lose anyone that I might be really close to without freaking out. But I was still really proud of him. This mold apparently has over fifty percent of his friends that fit it...and that's a lot of friends to get rid of. (...and in all honesty, it made me like him so much more.)
I kind of feel like my response to his message, which was bits and pieces of this here, was kind of lame. But it was all I could think of. He was the advice giver, not me. I've never been good at helping people, even those I really, really care about. I just spout the first thing that comes to mind and leave it at that. I try to cheer them up, even if that's not exactly what they want. Cheering up is always my first instinct, maybe because I think that's all I'm good at. So I guess I feel that I did kind of a horrible job of being the "guru" that he's always been for me and I feel really bad about it. I still can't wait for him to get out of work so maybe we can talk a little more and maybe I can get a little bit better at this guru thing.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
New Title? Holy shizz.
At first, this blog was called "Am I an Honorary Emo Kid Now?" I thought it was a pretty neat title, and thought it fit what would be going in here. But now...I'm thinking I don't want to subject people to anymore cruddy emo posts about boys and stupid stuff like that. I've renamed it "[/emo]" because this is where the emo ends. I'm not going to be that girl anymore, and I think you'll all prefer reading about a happier Jenna anyway. I know I'll prefer writing as her.
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
So, for the past couple of weeks I'd been preparing for a mini-concert thing that the Rock Band class at my school was putting on. I'm not actually in it, but a friend wanted me to sing for his group, so I did. I ended up missing some classes so I could go and practice with the group, but it was okay 'cuz I'm an awesome little nerd and get my work done. The fact that the teachers loveeee meeee also helped, of course.
Practicing with everybody was fun. At first it was kinda awkward, because it was me and Andrew (friend that wanted me to sing) one-on-one and...well...if you know me, er, yeah, it was a little awkward. A lot awkward. He was helping me sing the parts right, and learn to move around while I'm singing. I couldn't really do squat with my eyes open 'cuz, well, it was weird to try and sing and move around while he was watching me. I went home and practiced and practiced and stuff, though, and did fine, but doing it in front of people is a liiiiittle bit harder.
The second time it was practicing with the microphone some. There was a little bit of issue because I wasn't singing loud enough, but I think mostly that was because I wanted to hear the words. Later I found out that singing without them was a LOT harder than it'd been in choir. Probably something to do with the fact that it was just me, but I got through it. I kept messing up on the bridge, though, and then there was the issue that the guy that was supposed to play the rhythm guitar (or something like that, I don't know what's what) wasn't coming to practice. Carlos, the guy, was kinda awesome and got his part down pretty quickly. It was a little unnerving that he was still working on the bridge, too, about twenty minutes before the whole thing started.
So, the thing started. At first, the crowd was mildly small. Several friends showed up, the parents of one of the girls singing. Then, a teacher showed up and asked for permission to bring her class in (Mrs. Hoddderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr .___.). That class came in and we had an extra, like, twenty-five people, maybe. I dunno, I've always been bad at estimating those sorts of things. A few more people trickled in, maybe drawn in by the music that must've been making it into the hallways. I kind of wonder now if the classes that did come had been disturbed and they couldn't work. Maybe that's why they'd come. A little bit later, my fifth hour teacher decided to bring in the class and we got another maybe fifteen or twenty people. The auditorium was definitely fuller than I had expected it to be. I was freaking out everytime I noticed that more people had come in. I was sitting pretty close to the stage, so I didn't notice the first big surge. That was the really bad part.
Anyway....the first song that they played was Holiday by Green Day, I think. It went pretty well. To be honest, I was worried about not getting through everything because the microphones were taking a bit to get set up properly, but we actually ended up being fifteen minutes short of school ending. Then it was....Anyone Else But You? Check Yes Juliet? I don't really remember. They both went well, though. So did Bulls on Parade. The guy "singing" for that was amazing. He had this little cape he was wearing, then some torch-thing that he was using like some awesome pimp-cane or something... And he was everywhere. He even jumped off the stage when he was done. Yeah, Chris was pretty fricking amazing.
The next song was Bring Me to Life, a song that I kind of knew previous to this but ended up having it stuck in my head more than the song I was singing afterwards. I still have it stuck horribly in my head. There were two girls that sang on that, the lovely Miss Nicole and Miss Anna. Chris did the guy part. He was pretty awesome on that, too, and the girls did pretty amazingly as well. When they were done, I had to scoot by some people quickly, as I was in the middle of a row that had very suddenly filled up, saying sorry as I went.
It was time for me to sing Brick By Boring Brick now. I was just a little nervous, to be quite honest. While everyone was getting set up behind me, the sound guy (I can't remember his name for the life of me, but I do believe it begins with a double-yah) told me the one rule: When you're on stage, you have to be a rockstar. No being shy. Shyly, I told him I'd do my best.
With a simple one, two, three, four, the music started. Everyone was playing. Chris on drums, Carlos on whatever-the-heck guitar he was playing, Andrew on lead guitar, I think, and Edward, Andrew's twin, on bass. I was actually pretty worried when it started because I couldn't hear Carlos all that well and that was always what I counted on when listening to the song to let me know when to come in. I did okay, though, and started roughly when I was supposed to...and to be frank, I don't remember what exactly happened after that. I know when I got to the bridge, I screwed up, like always, and Andrew made sure I got the lyrics right where I needed to. I think there was an uproar in the crowd when I started the first verse....but I really honestly don't know. It could very well be my storytelling skills getting away with me.
The song went well, except for my little screw ups here and there and that the microphones for Andrew and Edward to do the ba da's at the end didn't work. No one really seemed to notice, though. Other than the little mess ups here and there...all I really remember is that collective scream at the end of the song. It might've been because there were a lot of friends with really loud voices that decided to scream all at once, it might've just been because I was still in shock and awe that I'd really done it, but wow. That was really, really loud. And even though it hurt my ears, it was absolutely amazing. I loved that feeling. I wanted to feel that all the time.
The next song was, uh, I dunno. Something awesome. There weren't any vocals because no one had learned them in time, I guess...but it sound great all the same. The guitarist, a guy called CJ that I myself don't know that well, was amazing. As Nikki said later, he was a mini Jimi Hendrix (who I'm doing a research paper on, btw).
In conclusion, everyone sounded great. I was so sad that it was over. But I'm always like that with performances. You work and work and work on something for what seems like forever, then just like that, it's done. All your hard work for ten, maybe fifteen minutes if it's a band concert, a fraction of that if it's just one song. It makes me just feel like I wanna do that every week, every day.
And now, I do. I want to sing on stage, dance around, make people scream every day. I've always been so sure that I'd be an author when I grew up. I'd write books, not sing songs. Sure, I liked singing, but that was just something to do in the car, in a choir. There was a little bit of uncertainty when I got into biology and played around with microscopes a few times, but then I just decided I'd be a scientist or something to make the money until I made it big with my books. Now? Now I'm not so sure anymore. The teacher of both rock and regular band, Monsieur Weber, mentioned having another concert. I keep listening to songs on my ipod, in movies, and just thinking "Wow. That'd be a lot of fun to sing." Of course there's no guarantee that I'll actually get to sing again if another concert does occur (unless someeeeeebody wants me to sing, of course) because I'm not actually in the class. I really hope I get to do it again, though.
So, I think I wanna be a rockstar. It feels kind of weird to suddenly change because of one event, but really. That was a whole fricking lot of fun and I really would like to keep doing it the rest of my life. :)
Oh, and fun fact: Brick By Boring Brick came up thrice while I was writing this. xD
Practicing with everybody was fun. At first it was kinda awkward, because it was me and Andrew (friend that wanted me to sing) one-on-one and...well...if you know me, er, yeah, it was a little awkward. A lot awkward. He was helping me sing the parts right, and learn to move around while I'm singing. I couldn't really do squat with my eyes open 'cuz, well, it was weird to try and sing and move around while he was watching me. I went home and practiced and practiced and stuff, though, and did fine, but doing it in front of people is a liiiiittle bit harder.
The second time it was practicing with the microphone some. There was a little bit of issue because I wasn't singing loud enough, but I think mostly that was because I wanted to hear the words. Later I found out that singing without them was a LOT harder than it'd been in choir. Probably something to do with the fact that it was just me, but I got through it. I kept messing up on the bridge, though, and then there was the issue that the guy that was supposed to play the rhythm guitar (or something like that, I don't know what's what) wasn't coming to practice. Carlos, the guy, was kinda awesome and got his part down pretty quickly. It was a little unnerving that he was still working on the bridge, too, about twenty minutes before the whole thing started.
So, the thing started. At first, the crowd was mildly small. Several friends showed up, the parents of one of the girls singing. Then, a teacher showed up and asked for permission to bring her class in (Mrs. Hoddderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr .___.). That class came in and we had an extra, like, twenty-five people, maybe. I dunno, I've always been bad at estimating those sorts of things. A few more people trickled in, maybe drawn in by the music that must've been making it into the hallways. I kind of wonder now if the classes that did come had been disturbed and they couldn't work. Maybe that's why they'd come. A little bit later, my fifth hour teacher decided to bring in the class and we got another maybe fifteen or twenty people. The auditorium was definitely fuller than I had expected it to be. I was freaking out everytime I noticed that more people had come in. I was sitting pretty close to the stage, so I didn't notice the first big surge. That was the really bad part.
Anyway....the first song that they played was Holiday by Green Day, I think. It went pretty well. To be honest, I was worried about not getting through everything because the microphones were taking a bit to get set up properly, but we actually ended up being fifteen minutes short of school ending. Then it was....Anyone Else But You? Check Yes Juliet? I don't really remember. They both went well, though. So did Bulls on Parade. The guy "singing" for that was amazing. He had this little cape he was wearing, then some torch-thing that he was using like some awesome pimp-cane or something... And he was everywhere. He even jumped off the stage when he was done. Yeah, Chris was pretty fricking amazing.
The next song was Bring Me to Life, a song that I kind of knew previous to this but ended up having it stuck in my head more than the song I was singing afterwards. I still have it stuck horribly in my head. There were two girls that sang on that, the lovely Miss Nicole and Miss Anna. Chris did the guy part. He was pretty awesome on that, too, and the girls did pretty amazingly as well. When they were done, I had to scoot by some people quickly, as I was in the middle of a row that had very suddenly filled up, saying sorry as I went.
It was time for me to sing Brick By Boring Brick now. I was just a little nervous, to be quite honest. While everyone was getting set up behind me, the sound guy (I can't remember his name for the life of me, but I do believe it begins with a double-yah) told me the one rule: When you're on stage, you have to be a rockstar. No being shy. Shyly, I told him I'd do my best.
With a simple one, two, three, four, the music started. Everyone was playing. Chris on drums, Carlos on whatever-the-heck guitar he was playing, Andrew on lead guitar, I think, and Edward, Andrew's twin, on bass. I was actually pretty worried when it started because I couldn't hear Carlos all that well and that was always what I counted on when listening to the song to let me know when to come in. I did okay, though, and started roughly when I was supposed to...and to be frank, I don't remember what exactly happened after that. I know when I got to the bridge, I screwed up, like always, and Andrew made sure I got the lyrics right where I needed to. I think there was an uproar in the crowd when I started the first verse....but I really honestly don't know. It could very well be my storytelling skills getting away with me.
The song went well, except for my little screw ups here and there and that the microphones for Andrew and Edward to do the ba da's at the end didn't work. No one really seemed to notice, though. Other than the little mess ups here and there...all I really remember is that collective scream at the end of the song. It might've been because there were a lot of friends with really loud voices that decided to scream all at once, it might've just been because I was still in shock and awe that I'd really done it, but wow. That was really, really loud. And even though it hurt my ears, it was absolutely amazing. I loved that feeling. I wanted to feel that all the time.
The next song was, uh, I dunno. Something awesome. There weren't any vocals because no one had learned them in time, I guess...but it sound great all the same. The guitarist, a guy called CJ that I myself don't know that well, was amazing. As Nikki said later, he was a mini Jimi Hendrix (who I'm doing a research paper on, btw).
In conclusion, everyone sounded great. I was so sad that it was over. But I'm always like that with performances. You work and work and work on something for what seems like forever, then just like that, it's done. All your hard work for ten, maybe fifteen minutes if it's a band concert, a fraction of that if it's just one song. It makes me just feel like I wanna do that every week, every day.
And now, I do. I want to sing on stage, dance around, make people scream every day. I've always been so sure that I'd be an author when I grew up. I'd write books, not sing songs. Sure, I liked singing, but that was just something to do in the car, in a choir. There was a little bit of uncertainty when I got into biology and played around with microscopes a few times, but then I just decided I'd be a scientist or something to make the money until I made it big with my books. Now? Now I'm not so sure anymore. The teacher of both rock and regular band, Monsieur Weber, mentioned having another concert. I keep listening to songs on my ipod, in movies, and just thinking "Wow. That'd be a lot of fun to sing." Of course there's no guarantee that I'll actually get to sing again if another concert does occur (unless someeeeeebody wants me to sing, of course) because I'm not actually in the class. I really hope I get to do it again, though.
So, I think I wanna be a rockstar. It feels kind of weird to suddenly change because of one event, but really. That was a whole fricking lot of fun and I really would like to keep doing it the rest of my life. :)
Oh, and fun fact: Brick By Boring Brick came up thrice while I was writing this. xD
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