Horrible? Not really so? I dunno.

I'm feeling a little horrible with myself today. 'Cuz, for one, a friend messaged me at one o'clock this morning as an emotional wreck and you know where I was? Fast asleep. It really, really made me wish that I had stayed up to watch that Doctor Who episode, but no, I was exhausted from soccer in the morning, then running around getting Megan's confirmation cross and stuff from the thrift store, then Nikki's Sweet Sixteen later to want to stay up and watch it.

And after I felt bad about not being able to comfort them when they probably needed it, you know what I did? I felt special because they came to me. I've come to this person to help me out with my problems loads of times before, at first just to get a guy's perspective and then later 'cuz I just wanted to talk to him more. It made me feel special that he came to me when he was an emotional wreck. He could've just talked to his brother (or....maybe not...he might make him feel like an idiot, now that I think about it) or maybe some other friend. But he came to me and that made me feel absolutely special. And, of course, while he's being all emotional-wreck-y (or was, rather) I'm feeling all special and la-dee-dee-da, so I feel horrible again.

After reading through the message and what he'd decided to do (neither of which I'm specifying on because he probably doesn't want the whole internet to know), I was kind of really proud of him. He was sticking to what he believed and was getting rid of people that didn't fit that. Which might not work in all cases...but it definitely does here. Most definitely indeed.

And while I was feeling proud, I kind of felt horrible again. I don't think I'd ever be able to do what he's doing. I'm too close to too many people that fit that mold and I'm afraid of losing them. I'm too scared to lose anyone that I might be really close to without freaking out. But I was still really proud of him. This mold apparently has over fifty percent of his friends that fit it...and that's a lot of friends to get rid of. (...and in all honesty, it made me like him so much more.)

I kind of feel like my response to his message, which was bits and pieces of this here, was kind of lame. But it was all I could think of. He was the advice giver, not me. I've never been good at helping people, even those I really, really care about. I just spout the first thing that comes to mind and leave it at that. I try to cheer them up, even if that's not exactly what they want. Cheering up is always my first instinct, maybe because I think that's all I'm good at. So I guess I feel that I did kind of a horrible job of being the "guru" that he's always been for me and I feel really bad about it. I still can't wait for him to get out of work so maybe we can talk a little more and maybe I can get a little bit better at this guru thing.