My confidence has increased....

...yeah, it has, but not in the way it was with Janet. :P

I dunno what it is about today, but I feel great. Relieved. Confident, even. Maybe it was my bike ride or walking the dogs or swimming or just being outside for a good portion of the day. Maybe it's because I was able to have a good time basically by myself. Maybe I'm just going crazy. Man, if I'm going crazy...well, I'm fricking loving it.

I feel amazing. Just awesome. Grand. Great. Stupendous. Just...alive! It's beautiful, considering I've been wallowing in self-pity for who knows how long. I just can't believe I never realized how unhappy I was. And now, even with the crap that's been happening, even though my amazing and wonderful Mamaw has passed on and it feels like half of my friends have abandoned me, I AM HAPPY. And I feel so relieved that I'm near tears because of it. I missed being happy so, so much. I thought before that I was happy, and maybe I was, but it wasn't this happy. I feel free. I can look at people making plans without me, forgetting about me...and I can just think "Whatever, I've got better grades than them" or "I can sing better than them." It may be a slightly bitchy thing to think, but GAWSH do I love it. I think I might finally be reaching that point where I stop being quiet and shy all the time because I'm fricking tired of being walked all over. Before, I didn't want to do that. To become like my mom (who, though I love her to death, can be a little much sometimes) or Sharron (ALWAYS A [[swearing!!!]] HANDFUL, but still pretty cool) and lose my niceness. But if it means feeling like this, than to heck with my niceness and understanding! I will try my hardest to still be able to connect with people, to see from their perspective...but I need to make me happy, too. Apparently, that might mean being a little bit of a female dog sometimes. And I'm willing to do that to keep myself sane.