Theories for my feeling weightless.

1. I'm exhausted and feeling lightheaded.

2. I'm just in a good mood.

3. There was something in my tater tots that is now causing me to hallucinate, thus the feeling weightless.

4. I'm dreaming and can feel any way I want.

5. I'm actually on the moon and hallucinating due to lack of oxygen. My subconscious is still acknowledging that I am essentially weightless.

6. I am cray-cray.

7. I'm kind of sort of head-over-heels and hearing your voice makes me unbelievably happy (even when it's through a video)?

I thin that last one is most likely, with the lack of sleep, tater tots, and crazy theories tied for second.

RAWRGLEBLARGLE.

...k. I know I just posted, like, twenty minutes ago or something. But I NEED to get this out SOMEWHERE and I know roughly three people MAYBE read this on a regular basis. xD So NO ONE WILL KNOW! ...not that you guys are no one. I LOVE YOU!

anywho. So I ended up looking through old pictures because Facebook keeps tricking me into it when I'm looking at NEW pictures (stupid sidebar thingy). The pictures it led me to were from a certain *insertderogatorywordforladyofyourchoicehere*'s birthday party back in June. One I wasn't invited to. Not that I'm bitter about it. No.

...okay maybe a little. BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE AWESOME FRIENDS, OKAY? D: I'm a little hurt. 'Specially since just about EVERYONE ELSE SHE KNOWS WAS INVITED. Like random guys from middle school (no offense meant to Chris and Evan...but really?!?!? I'VE BEEN FRIENDS WITH HER SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL ASDALKDALSK). I can't believe I'm still frustrated with her about this...but the title that had been given to this album was "Thats what friends are for.." and I find it a little ironic (that's the right word, right? Because I'm no good with irony...).

(side note: Frollo-Archdeacon interaction at the beginning of HoND is sweeeeeeeeeetness)

AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW SCHOOL IS GOING TO WORK THIS YEAR. We more or less have the same group of friends, so how is she gonna keep avoiding me? Huh? Eek. I hope this doesn't mean that they're gonna stray away from me, too. o__o 'Cuz that would SUCK so much. I mean, they've disappeared this summer, but that's because it's summer and people do drift apart. I'm not a very social person (duh) so I don't really get why it was weird that people weren't talking to me much.

Which would be worse, I wonder? Her ignoring me? Or running over and giving me a hug like nothing happened? I think the latter would. It would confuse me so. so. much. ;_;

...and that's it. I'm gonna focus on Quasi and my toaster waffle now.

"...rule like Titans EXCEPT for Kronos..."

Denzel Washington should've said that. It would've made me smile. 'Cuz, y'know, Kronos sucked. I think the other Titans were kind of okay, though. :/ I can't remember. I haven't read me Greek Myths book in a whileeee.

This is kind of more random musings than a blog post, really. I think. I dunno. It might turn into something more.

I can't find my pencil sharpener. This makes me sad because I NEEEED my pencil sharpened to draw well-ish. Because a dull pencil SUCKS. D:

I like having happy moments where I breathe in and feel like I'm gonna burst. I've had a lot more of those than usual lately. Too bad they only last a few seconds. But, since they usually happen when you're in my Newsfeed...they happen often enough. :D

I wanna see Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. :x Nowwww.

I just saw a trailer for the Last Exorcism. I am terrified. o_________________o

That just reminded me of when I saw Salt and freaked out at the Paranormal Activity 2 trailer. ...shut UP the first time I saw it it really freaked me out and I didn't wanna get freaked out again. D: Andrew and Shane weren't nice. I'm not sitting between them next time.

.....maybe.

I WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING AWESOME. but I don't know what.

I saw Hoyt and Summer (grrrrmustdieee) on tonight's True Blood and thought: "That's what he and I coulda been like. o_____o" No, not the "he" I've been swooning over...which makes the thought just a little bit weirder. :|

A while ago I found myself being jealous of a friend that had, like, six guys ask her out/tell her they liked her in one month. Now, after two this summer, I AM NOT JEALOUS. akdfhasdfh.

....I like being a quiet nerd. It's less stressful. :'D

I think I've used the most smileys in a blog ever with this. Huh.

...LA LA LA I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU KATHERINE SOOO MUUUUUUUCH.

yeah. and mebbe somebody else, too.

Liking a post isn't much of a response I'd like to see. But, eh, gotta take what I can get, right? Right.

mhm.

I wish.....

....that we could have met ages ago. Maybe if we'd grown up together, this might've happened sooner and I could be over it by now. Or maybe we could've been so best-friend-y that liking you would've been like liking a brother (even though I don't have one of those, the idea is still ewwwwwww).  Or maybe you would've actually known me and liked me, too. And then things would be awesome! Right?

I wish I would've been born a month earlier. Then I could be a senior right now, which would've meant I would have been around you a whole year more. Maybe then I could've been more outgoing around you and things could've worked out. Or maybe I would've ended up being so different that it wouldn't have mattered. I don't know if I would like that better...I like being around you. What if being born November 27th instead of December 27th would have meant not liking you? What if it meant I'd be a bitch? That would suck so much. I don't want it to be like that.

I wish that things could be different than they are now, though. I wish I could figure out how to get over all this. It's been, what, six months since I professed my undying love for you (no, that's not what I actually did, I know, but I'm a writer: I naturally make things more fantastic/ridiculous)? And you said you just wanted to be friends then, right? I even know WHY you want to be friends. So why can't I just give up?

I wish I could think of you or see your profile picture on Facebook and not have some mixture of happy butterflies and depressed (pronounced de-press-edd because I like it better that way in this context) sighs. I wish I could see you more and not just be an observer when we're with a group of friends. I want to be able to be one of those people that interacts with you instead of just watching you interact with others. True, that's one of the reasons I like to be around you, but...I want to have fun with you, too.

I also wish that I could stop being a bitch to those I care about because of this...it makes me feel horrible, like one of those manipulative girls you see in those overdrama'd television shows/movies they show on ABC Family or the Halmark Channel or whatever. I don't like feeling like that because I hate those girls. They're stupid. :| And I don't like using that word, but they are.

I wish...I just wish I could be happy with what I've got. But that 'what if' keeps sneaking in and...for a short time, I'm happy. But then I realize it's not reality and I crash. Which sucks. A lot.

...gosh I hope you actually read this. Too bad you probably won't.

Thought processes intrigue me.

Or, rather, the uniqueness of them does.

Isn't it weird to think that something completely normal to you is utterly alien to someone else? That something your family has done for years and years is a brand new idea to a friend? I think it is sometimes. The fact that people in general are so different is weird to me. How does everyone grow up in the same world with such different experiences? How do we all end up in the same place a different way?

Take my maternal grandparents for a weak example. I call-called-gah-this-is-difficult-to-try-and-explain-now them Mamaw and Papaw, which I think is a southern , but I'm not entirely sure, so don't quote me on that. But I've always known that not everyone uses those names, even though it sometimes took me a minute to realize why someone wouldn't get it right away. Although it's not really odd that not everyone uses these names because I've known that since I was little. Everybody had two Grandmas and two Grandpas, not a Grandma, a Grandpa, a Mamaw, and a Papaw. I was special like that.

Another thing was that I saw (and kind of successfully avoided!) some friends at Swing the other night when I got dropped off downtown after the beach. One of the friends asked my mom where I was, to which my mother responded with "Oh, she's down here somewhere!" If I had learned something like this, I would've left a question on that person's wall asking where they was at. She didn't, though she might've seen Megan and I jump into the van all speedy-like when my parents pulled up a little more. Sorry, guys. A lot of you annoy me a whole bunch and I don't like seeing you. School is going to freaking suck because of this.

Another good example might be the use of a simple word like "stupid". Honestly, that word is kind of stupid in the way that it's not a good word to use to describe anything. Yet, if someone you care about calls something that you're kind of worrying about stupid, you can get really, really upset with that person you love. It can also make you realize on the car ride home from a place like Grand Haven that your rawrgh-gawsh-I'm-angry face and your bored-blah-nothing-to-do face are very similar and it's no wonder people confuse the two.

Sometimes people decide that it's okay to call people mean things. We've all done it before. Maybe you've called someone the worst mistake of your life before. Maybe not. If you did, though, maybe you didn't realize when you said it that it might make it back to her. Maybe you didn't think that far ahead when you said it. Maybe you didn't really care. I doubt that, though, because she's your friend. Isn't she? Maybe you didn't think that saying it LOUD ENOUGH SO EVERYONE COULD HEAR would mean that someone would get mad at you for her. Maybe you thought everyone would take it as a joke. I obviously didn't, but maybe I'm weird. You certainly thought I was when I asked you if you were a complete idiot or if you just liked being a jerk (alright, I used a different word, yeah, but that's beside the point). You responded just as rudely with an f-bomb and walked off. I proceeded to resist beating you to a bloody pulp with my clarinet case; I needed it nice for marching band season, I think. But maybe my reaction was overdramatic. Maybe I was the one being weird. Or maybe I was the only sane one in that room that felt like she didn't deserve to be called the worst mistake of your life.

(This should be noted: I was NOT called the worst mistake of his life, a good friend was. I just yelled at him for it.)

Grief is another thing that is processed in the mind differently. We all go through pain in a way that's probably weird to others. Sometimes it gets bottled up. Sometimes it comes out in tears, screams, anything like that. People get angry, people get over it quickly, people are okay at first and breaking down in the next second. I've felt less depression over the loss of Mamaw than I ever thought I would. The complete details of how I've felt about not being completely depressed is a whole 'nother post in itself, I'm sure, so I'll just focus on this point. I feel like this is both a relief and completely weird. What about my aunt, my cousin, and my mom? They've felt so much more crap over this than I have. I've read enough of Katherine's blog and heard enough about Aunt Cris to know that. But I guess I didn't spend almost every moment of my life around Mamaw, so I wasn't as attached. She wasn't my mother or my second mother. She didn't raise me like she raised Cris or Kate or my mom. She wasn't nearly as close to me as she was to them. ...I'd kind of like to get off this subject, actually. Another time I'll finish my thoughts about this, maybe.

So, I guess my point is that people are really different. This fact intrigues me to no end and I'm re-realizing it over and over again everyday.

Brodykins and Easter Eggs.

I dunno I kind of feel like writing but I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT so let's see what comes out.

I SAW AN ADORABLE BRODYKINS TODAY. He's my new second cousin. Like, new as in born a few weeks ago. He is pretty cute. c: I also saw his mommy and daddy, my cousin and a guy none of the family likes (but maybe related to Hannah? I dunno, how common is the last name DeWinter? o___o). He was okay while we were over visiting, I guess...maybe having a son's got him straightened out some? I dunno.

BUT THE BABY WAS ADORABLE AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. :D

uhmmm. Megan and I made french toast this morning. Well, Megan mixed up the eggy stuff and I dipped them in it and cooked 'em. During the thunderstorm we had, too. So when the smoke detector started going off, we had to turn on the fan, open the door, and turn of the air conditioning. This would've been not-so-bad-ish if it hadn't been pouring. Then we could've opened the windows, too. But the French Toast was  YUUUUUMMMMMYYYY so it was okay. And not only did we find a piece that had a smiley face on it (it was not eaten, of course), the SYRUP ITSELF HAD A SMILEY FACE (as pictured below. It was pretty great to open up the syrup and find a smile. Pretty great indeed.

After breakfast we went and saw Brody...which I already talked about...and then when we came home Megan and I played The White Wolf of Icicle Creek or whatever that Nancy Drew game is. Yes, they have those. And they're actually pretty fun. Anywho, Megan and I found a really cool easter egg in the game where you can one: call this guy called Mystico the Magnificent, who led you to catching an actual easter egg in the already-blown-up fishing shack, which led to finding a whole ROOM full of easter egg things that you're not able to get into usually. And we had a weird kind of creepy dream because of all this. We're kind of stuck now, though, because there's supposed to be a note and we get stuck in the sauna blah blah blah but the note isn't showing up. :/ So we're not sure what to do now.

THEEEEEEEENNN we went over to City Middle/High School for the music open house thang, where we got kind of signed up for stuff and had hotdogs and saw some friends as well as see Weber, the greatest band teacher ever. I also discovered that City is NOT air conditioned (saaad daaaaay) and that instead of regular uniforms for marching band, we will have black polos. Lovely, right? Apparently there was no time to get actual uniforms, so we've just got polo shirts. I felt bad for Weber, though, because the Union and City teachers got a bunch of WOOTS and all Weber got was clapping and my lame tiny woo! It's because all our cool kids graduated/aren't taking band this year, the losers.

BUT YEAH THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TODAY SORTA KINDA.

And that's all I can think to write about.

Except that I discovered yesterday while riding home from the beach that the smell of dairy farm (or any farm that includes cows, I guess) is kind of reassuring? It's because my grandparents had a dairy farm for a really, really long time until recently, so I kind of grew up hanging out there a lot and...yeah. I am NOT weird.

...I think?

People I write like, apparently.

Randomness, I know.

Corey Doctorow (a lottt of my pieces have gotten me him, he's sci-fi writer, apparently).

William Gibson (not Mel's kid, also a sci-fi writer).

Stephen King (:DDDDDDDDD oh gawsh yes).

Dan Brown (HEY I KNOW THAT NAAAME).

J.D. Salinger (Catcher in the Ryeeee, haven't read that yetttt....).

S-S-Stephenie Meyer (I feel like crying...I really, really liked that blurb....).

James Fenimore Cooper (he wrote The Last Mohicans. All I know about that is that my mom likes the movie.).

See who YOU write like hurr. Hopefully you won't get Stephenie Meyer.... ;_______;