I wish.....

....that we could have met ages ago. Maybe if we'd grown up together, this might've happened sooner and I could be over it by now. Or maybe we could've been so best-friend-y that liking you would've been like liking a brother (even though I don't have one of those, the idea is still ewwwwwww).  Or maybe you would've actually known me and liked me, too. And then things would be awesome! Right?

I wish I would've been born a month earlier. Then I could be a senior right now, which would've meant I would have been around you a whole year more. Maybe then I could've been more outgoing around you and things could've worked out. Or maybe I would've ended up being so different that it wouldn't have mattered. I don't know if I would like that better...I like being around you. What if being born November 27th instead of December 27th would have meant not liking you? What if it meant I'd be a bitch? That would suck so much. I don't want it to be like that.

I wish that things could be different than they are now, though. I wish I could figure out how to get over all this. It's been, what, six months since I professed my undying love for you (no, that's not what I actually did, I know, but I'm a writer: I naturally make things more fantastic/ridiculous)? And you said you just wanted to be friends then, right? I even know WHY you want to be friends. So why can't I just give up?

I wish I could think of you or see your profile picture on Facebook and not have some mixture of happy butterflies and depressed (pronounced de-press-edd because I like it better that way in this context) sighs. I wish I could see you more and not just be an observer when we're with a group of friends. I want to be able to be one of those people that interacts with you instead of just watching you interact with others. True, that's one of the reasons I like to be around you, but...I want to have fun with you, too.

I also wish that I could stop being a bitch to those I care about because of this...it makes me feel horrible, like one of those manipulative girls you see in those overdrama'd television shows/movies they show on ABC Family or the Halmark Channel or whatever. I don't like feeling like that because I hate those girls. They're stupid. :| And I don't like using that word, but they are.

I wish...I just wish I could be happy with what I've got. But that 'what if' keeps sneaking in and...for a short time, I'm happy. But then I realize it's not reality and I crash. Which sucks. A lot.

...gosh I hope you actually read this. Too bad you probably won't.