
Sunday, August 8, 2010
La dee da, no-stal-gee-a....

Saturday, August 7, 2010
Outgoing time? Uh-uh.
Today, I floated down the Muskegon river with my family and some friends. It was fun, I didn't lose my eyewear, and I don't think I got too sunburnt. Megan and I were in tubes while almost everyone else was paired off in canoes. About half way through the trip, though, Megan and I were both in the canoe with our tubes deflated a little bit to keep them in the boat better.
As we do every year, the group stopped a few times at spots where people could swim a little, eat and drink, and just generally socialize. At one of these spots, I sat in the shallower water and looked through the rocks for interesting things. Megan was standing near me and both of us were away from the other kids our age, staying by the canoe and our mom. My dad came over and told me it was outgoing time. I said no.
Then he tried to use my blog and talking about being more outgoing and stuff and I told him very flatly I didn't want to be social with them. No offense to those guys that were out in the water...but I don't like being around you much. I don't know why. You just rub me the wrong way most of the time. Sorry.
Part of this might be because I just don't know all of you that well. Part of it might be because you're the spacey airhead type that I don't appreciate being around a lot. Part of it might be because you refused to house one of my friends (your acquaintance) if she ever needed it after her mom died because "she's not your friend". Part of it might be because you're drinking (however little it may be) and you're my age. Technically, one of you is younger.
I dunno. I just don't want to be outgoing with you.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Lots of questions. Not so many answers.
If someone you've known for two and a half years or so starts randomly talking to you both in real life and on Facebook, does that mean that maybe that someone likes you? :/ Especially if they talk to you every time you log into Facebook and send you messages when they don't see you online?
...waaaaait.....I do that.....so maybe I don't need that question answered. >>
If you fib about not feeling well enough to go out because you feel like you're going to have a panic attack if you do go out, does that make you a bad friend? Would you be less of a bad friend if you had just said "hey, I'm way too nervous about this, I don't think I can go"?
Is it normal to have mini-panic attacks when you go to hang out with someone new? And when you talk on the phone?
What does it mean when you make plans with someone else and they don't make you panic at all? Does that mean that you're just more comfortable with them? That you're closer? That you want to be around them enough that you overcome the panic attack feeling?
Does every teenager wonder about this stuff? 'Cuz I'm starting to feel a little alone. Do they all think about the far future and worry? Do they worry about never finding someone special and ending up alone? Do they worry about not finding someone special soon enough to fit into their mental plan? Is it normal to have a mental plan at all?
Is all this worry normal? Am I crazy? Or just overanalyzing like usual?
Why haven't I watched as much Shark Week this week as I would have liked?
Why hasn't he messaged me back? Did I come off too strong? Have I ruined everything? Am I just worrying too much again? Why can't I deal with friendship?
Why do I feel like writing but have no words? I want to write about Jeremy and Aaron because they are cute and I loves them. Why can't I think of another cute scene to write out? Probably because my Jeremy is ignoring me....youdidn'tjustreadthat. Just fyi. It was your imagination. Your eyes are tricking you. You're high on something. Insert other lame excuse here.
Why can't I just let this all go?
Why can't I relax?
Why can't I stop worrying?
Why does everything have to change?
Why why why why why why WHY?
..........
I like....
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Dear Spider
I was very surprised to look up and see that you were hanging down from the ceiling on an invisible string of web next to my head. I am impressed that you managed to stay out of my way while I was dancing about to Silversun Pickups. While it is great that you achieved this feat, you are still in my house. And spiders aren't allowed inside, silly. So, I had to smoosh you between two DVD cases because I couldn't find any tissue. I'm sorry and hope there aren't any bad feelings between us.
Wishing you the best,
Jenna
ps. I think I've been reading too much thxthxthx. But that's okay.

Monday, August 2, 2010
Two sides to every coin, right?
I made someone's night just by saying "OH HEY YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T ACTUALLY SEVENTEEN UNTIL 10:03PM, SO HERE'S ANOTHER HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" and being so cute I made an Emily laugh, apparently. And I wrote a long scene thing about these two new characters I love to death now (see Authorly, now conveniently linked in the sidebar thing there, for more information). I got ice cream and I relaxed all day! WHY SHOULDN'T I BE ECSTATIC OR AT LEAST CONTENT?!
On the flip side, I'm also taking someone's "why aren't more girls unique" a little too personally. Why aren't a lot of us unique? BECAUSE BEING LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IS A COMFORT THAT THE MORE INSECURE OF US ENJOY. BECAUSE, SOMETIMES, WE JUST NEED TO PLEASE SOMEONE ELSE TO FEEL LIKE WE CAN LIKE OURSELVES. OKAY? And it's not our fault, darnit.
Of course, on top of that, I'm freaking out about not fitting an image they want and being depressed over that and NYAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
I want someone to hold me but the only person that would be more than willing to at this point, I think, would cause me to have some sort of panic attack. Maybe. I don't know.
Anxiety sucks so much.
Fun facts.
-First post of the new month! w00t?
-Yelling doesn't help. At all. It might make you feel better...but oooohhhhhh gawsh does it make the rest of us frustrated.
-Zomb sounds kind of fun, but also slightly terrifying.
-My mom will break stalkers in half.
-I hate anxiety.
-I want to see friends.
-I don't want to see friends.
-I do NOT want to have to deal with hubs and kctc and all the other crap I have to do this school year.
-I am going to be eighteen next year. WHAT THE HECK.
-A bunch of people that are younger than me have/are getting their licenses. If I wasn't so worried about taking the stupid test, I would be taking it tomorrow because it makes me so frustrated.
-I freaking love writing.
-Jeremy and Aaron are my new favorite characters.
-I lost my pen. Again.
-This is weirdly therapeutic? And maybe a little more interesting for you to read then me whining about my life?
-I have several mosquito bites around my ankles. Apparently the yummiest blood is there.
-I have a feeling an encounter with a vampire might be weird if that's true.
-I LOVE YOU!
That is all.