I'm not being fair here. At ALL.

But I don't really care.

Somebody had a mental breakdown. I've felt like I've had miniature ones a GAZILLION TIMES since about last October. Has anyone ever helped me with them? Not in person, no, not really. I know I don't burst into tears or anything, but that's just 'cause I'm a little bit better at pretending I'm okay, I guess. I've had more practice, considering I've been a 'crybaby' since forever.

I'm not being fair to this person for getting all upset because they got upset and got help. I'm not being fair by being just a little bit angry at them (okay, maybe more than a little bit). I'm resenting that they got help from people that I thought were supposed to know me (but then again, maybe not) and I'm just really, really mad that I've only ever gotten direct help when I've burst into tears or kind of just run into someone for a hug, while being near tears.

This kind of brings me back to an incident last school year, beginning of the trimester, I think. Or maybe it was the middle of the second one. Yeah, I think that's what it was. Anyway, I came into first hour a lot of the time feeling like complete and utter crap. There was a lot of teary-eyed, let's-get-through-my-first-two-classes-and-lunch-then-band-will-make-everything-better moments. I know, it sounds all emo and crap, but it's the truth. But even though I came in like this more than half the time, nobody noticed. Then somebody walks in and just gives a bit of a sigh and it's all "OHHHH WHAT'S WROOOONG?" I was pretty angry at people then, too.

But I'm not being fair here. I don't make it apparent when I'm upset. I'm good at keeping it locked in until it's just too much to bear. Usually the only feelings I have issues holding are my gonna-strangle-someone moments (something this new band should be very aware of by now). It's just not right for me to ask all of my friends to know when I'm sad or angry without making it at least a little apparent. Two way street and all that, right?

Bleh. I dunno. I'm just not in a very understanding mood today, I guess.