There goes that plan.

Oi. So, y'know how I had a grand old plan of how I was going to go to Michigan State, do the English major with a music minor la-dee-da, world's perfect? Well now I don't know if I want to do that anymore because DARNIT I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I don't know if it's terrible that I worry about this now or not, but what if I don't worry about it now and I need to? What if I don't and I just burn myself out wondering? It's terrible. I don't know what to do. At all.

I love to write. I really do. But I can't finish anything big to save my life. And I don't know how well I could turn that into something that would keep me off the streets and making money, y'know? I don't want to do any of that nonfiction stuff because I'm horrible at it. And I don't like writing it. But I don't know if it's me being picky and just "eeeehhhh, I don't really care to do that, so I won't" or if I'd turn into someone that completely hates their job or what!

And I'm so happy when I sing. I don't know if I'm nearly good enough to go anywhere with it, despite somebody saying I'll go far with it (Was he being nice? Was he speaking the truth?), but I do think it'd be kind of great to be able to do that. I mean, I look at bands and singers I like and think "Wow, I could be like that some day." Of course, being the little introvert I am, I don't know if that'll ever happen, but who knows? I don't, that's for sure.

But I also like taking things apart and science and even sometimes math. (I know, real shocker, but it's logical and always has a right answer, okay?) Based on the stuff I've seen my dad do and from Wasted Talent (lovely journal comic by a Canadian engineering gal) that might be right up an engineer's alley. Or maybe I could do something in chemistry or biology or something. I don't know.

That's pretty much the whole premise of this post: I have no idea what I'm doing here. And the college letters that have been arriving almost every other day, it seems? Not helping. Not helping at all. I have a million things I'd like to learn more about, only a vague idea of where I might learn them, and absolutely no idea how I'm going to pay for it all.

Which kind of brings me to the in-state-out-of-state thing. I personally would like to stay in state so I won't have to pay any nasty non-resident tuitions. 'Cause, really, I don't want to pay more money. But if they decide to give me a full ride, well...that would certainly be a different story. :p

And...and...AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. I have no job, no idea what I want do to, no nothin', which, yes, is a double negative, but you get what I mean. I don't know what I want to do with my life. At all. I need to figure out that one thing that I absolutely LOVE doing and can't live without and then implement it into the work force. And that shouldn't be too hard, right? e___e