I am in a horrible, horrible mood and hating on myself and everything else. So, tonight, I'm gonna be a little emo. Of course, now that I'm actually writing, my minibreakdown has completely stopped, but hey, whatever. Basic idea is still there.
People are retarded. Especially when they make last minute decisions on shizz. It's freaking ridiculous and ruins my fun. Ruins a lot of peoples fun, actually. Some people were actually looking forward to college day. It was even stated that hey, a lot of people don't have stuff that would fit retro day. SO WHY CHANGE IT? And even if you were going to change it, for the love of God, ANNOUNCE IT WHEN EVERYONE'S IN THE FREAKING BUILDING. SHOULD THAT NOT BE YOUR FIRST CONCERN, THAT EVERYONE GETS THE MEMO? Gawsh. I hate being in a hub because NO ONE TAKES YOU INTO CONSIDERATION. The teachers can't do retakes because you're not available three days a week (or four, if you're in WMCAT, too) and so the only day you can do ANYTHING EVER is Friday and NO ONE WANTS TO STAY AFTER ON FRIDAY.
This is STUPID. I kind of like being able to meet kids from different schools and I've adjusted well, but that part? That part is just STUPID.
And then there's my emo alone feelings. I'm being stupid about them, I know. The alone bit is my fault, too, because I hardly ever reach out to anyone. But...I feel like sometimes I'm being forced to reach out all the time. It's always "Jenna, why don't you come sit with us?" instead of people just plopping down beside me. I know it's the floor, guys, but it's really not that bad. The only people that ever sit by me on the floor are Jade and the random girls from an earlier post. Jade doesn't come to school much anymore, so I'm pretty much on my own there.
And it seems like everyone always gets the support and encouragement they need to not go crazy...except me. Again, this is kind of my fault, I guess, because I'm so internal...but I'm not that internal, am I? I let people know when I'm upset enough. If you know me, you know the signs.
But then again, that's the problem, isn't it? No one really knows me anymore and I never see the people that do know me. I guess I'm kind of coming out of my shell, but not fast enough.
And...and...I wanna protect my little sister, I really do. Some idiot girl at school called her an ugly ho, and although I know who the girl is and she's even in my gym class (obnoxious Marissa, for those of you that have gym with me), but a part of me that is too much in control doesn't want to get in trouble or hurt myself. (Of course, the maybe-so-maybe-faux fact of her having a parole officer and assaulting a thirty-five year old woman twice doesn't help my hesitation, either.)
I'm just not in a good mood tonight/today and I can't sleep because I'm upset and I really wish I'd stop feeling like I only have two people on my side sometimes.
And I really, really, really, really want a hug.
*hug*
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