For a pessimist...

....I'm pretty optimistic.

Those are the lyrics, aren't they? Or maybe I've got them backwards. I dunno. I'm too lazy to look them up right this second.

But if you didn't catch the reference from those, I've kinda been thinking about Paramore. And how awesome they are. And how I want to be like Hayley so, so much. I mean, she's tiny, adorable, spunky, gorgeous, a pretty great role model, and she's able to do what she loves for a living. It might not last forever, but...so far, I think they've got a chance to at least go for a little while longer.

But really. I would love to do what she's doing. To be like her. But I don't think I'll ever be able to be as confident and nonchalant about things with seemingly everyone as she is. Because that's just who I am.

I want to sing in a band. Mrs. Williams asked me if I wanted to ever try out for American Idol and was surprised when I said no. She pointed to the part in my outline for my personal essay that said I really, really wanted to sing. But I guess she didn't understand that it wasn't just the singing I wanted, but the being a part of something. I liked working with the guys back in May to make the songs work for the Rock Band concert. I know, it's been months, I should give it up already, but I can't. And why not? Because it won't let me go, I guess. It's stuck its claws in me and I don't see myself prying them out anytime soon.

If I ever really did get into a band that worked *coughcoughhackandrewcoughhack*, it could work with my life and plans. I don't really need college to write; I'm already great at it, right? And if I had a little bit of cash to fall back on (assuming the band actually did really well), then I could always try the part-time school bit. There are plenty of colleges that do online stuff nowadays. If I could get the band thing to work for me, I would do anything to keep it. I know it because I just want it so freaking badly.

Is all this realistic? I have no idea. But, oh good golly gosh do I want it to be.