2011...wow.

It's already going to be 2011? Dude, most of my friends are graduating this year. Again! I really need to start hanging out with other 2012ers or something. This is getting sad. D:

Well, real point of this was that somebody was talking about how DIFFERENT 2011 is going to be for them and all that...and it kind of made me think. How will 2011 be different for me?

First thought: Like I said, I'm losing friends to graduation. Again. I hate that. I mean, I'd be graduating this year, too, if I'd been born a month earlier or whatever...but, considering the whole panic thing about growing up I have, that might not be good, huh? But at least then I'd be leaving with most of my friends that I actually kind of hang out with at school. Anna, Joe, and Lucy...seriously, they're the only people I really actually like to be around at school. -___-;; Other people are cool, too, but...usually...I see them when I'm around people that I don't like to be around for whatever reason. (Like them ignoring me for some stupid reason...rrgh.) Anyway anyway anyway. That would not be much different than 2010 because a whole crap load of cool seniors graduated last year, too. (I'm lookin' at you, fellow band geeks.)

Second thought: I will probably still be my shy little self. I will still be mistaken for a freshman or whatever the heck people think I am (lady at Meijer the other day thought I was thirteen...lots of fun, that was) and I will still have no social life. I will still be the dork I am and still probably be as panicky as I am now. I'll try to fix it and probably earn a little progress...and I probably won't notice any change because it'll be so slight.

Third thought: I am going to be really, really busy for the first month. I mean, basketball games, swim meets, school work, AND preparing for that GRCC cultural thing?!?!?! Dude, I've been having a hard enough time trying to learn both Russian and Japanese over break! I was doing great on the Russian until the fifth day or so because I just didn't want to listen to those tracks anymore and now I've got guitar, too...arrrrrgh. It's too much! I'm suddenly very glad I don't have a social life! I'd never get any sleep!

Fourth thought: ....I really, really hope there's a guy somewhere in 2011. I don't mean to sound like a typical teenaged girl, but...auuuuuuuuggggggggggggggh. Watching Easy A today didn't help much. Now I want my life to be like an 80's movie!

Fifth thought: I think Mrs. Williams might be done reading Chuck when we get back from break. Maybe she'll be all done doing English teacherly things to it and I can start editing it! I've been itching to, but I didn't want to mess with it until I saw what she thought needed to be changed.

Sixth thought: I wanna write another novel.

So, basically, my goals are as follows:

-Get a little less shy
-Get some friends that aren't graduating, darnit.
-Get less busy OR freak out less about being busy
-Get a guy
-Get Chuck ready for sending to a publisher
-Write another novel

In order of most likely to be reached, I think it's....Less shy, get Chuck publisher ready, write another novel...ehh...freaking out less about being busy/get less busy...get friends that aren't graduating............and get a guy. I actually highly doubt that last one will ever happen. If it does, dude, I will be on cloud freaking nine.

So....2011, dude. Don't suck too much, k? Thanks, man. :D

Happy Birthday to Hayley Williams...

...Heather O'Rourke, Louis Pasteur, and...oh, hey, ME!

Yes. I'm seventeen. Scary thought, huh? But I am. And I need to get moving because I have a lot to do today. Just wanted to pop in and be uber narcissitic with a HEY GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYS 'S MY BIRFDAY.

Oh, and leave you with this video hurr. :D



Warning: F-bomb present. Not that I think a lot of people who read this (that I know, anyway) really care. Also, the only real relation between me and this song is the age, 'cause, well, my daddy's not a Repo Man. xD

.....or at least I don't think he is? o____O

Eight o'clock in the morning....

....is WAAAAAAAAAY too late on Christmas. I mean, come on. It's Christmas!!!

I think I got some pretty cool stuff. I mean, Christmas is supposed to be about Jesus, I know, but there's still the whole material element and we all know that. And because I'm not very good at religious things...well...I'm going to acknowledge the more material part. I mean, I'm still a kid, so I'm allowed to...right?

I was told that eight o'clock was the earliest I could try to get everyone up. Yes, I am the one that makes sure we get up early on Christmas. My parents would gladly sleep in and Megan would, too, despite it's awesomeness. I was awake a lot this morning, despite the whole going to bed early bit. And it took another half hour, I think, to get everyone in place. Megan and I are NEVER allowed in the living room until my mom's ready to take our pictures when we first walk in. It makes it all very frustrating, especially when you've been awake on and off since six o'clock... *sigh*

But it was cool. Everyone had a bucn of presents and I got a camera. :D Very happy day. And We're Back!, which I've been wanting to watch for foreeeeeverrrrrr....and other movies and that Dance on Broadway wii game or whatever. And I found the pickle (old German tradition, I think; Google it) and so I got Ponyo, too! Very very cool. And...as well as all that...I got this:



A compact mirror. (Jenna's girliness goes up ten percent!)

Apparently it's for my contacts. Um...yeah.

But yeah. Christmas morning was awesome. And the rest of today is probably going to be hanging out and playing our games and watching movies. It should be fun.

ALSO: Don't do mass texts. Then you end up sending stuff to people you don't talk to anymore that you probably didn't mean to, and, well...that just makes it awkward for everyone, doesn't it? Yeah.

BUT MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE! :D Enjoy your holiday! I know I'm going to. :3

"You look like a boy."

.....
Thank you, Megan. Thank you.

She said this after I'd straightened my hair, which I've kinda been meaning do to for forever to see how it looked with the new 'do. I think it looks nice.



How 'bout you?

Scariest thing ever, though? Having that hot straightening iron so close to the back of my neck. o___o Possibly the scariest thing I've done ever, including the stupid rides Kate got me on this summer.

*shudder*

Okay, maybe not the scariest thing.

But yeah, I had a girly hour. And it was nice. *shrug*

Sledding sledding sledding...

It's kind of funny that someone who wants everyone to be happy causes so much grief. Isn't it?

A happier post for an awesome person.

Who else could I be talking about but.....




....my fantastic cousin Katherine?!?!??!?!

She is my big sister! She tries to help me figure things out, like the comments on this blog obviously show. And she's always, always doing that, no matter what. And I love her for it. :D

Eh...I wanted to have more awesomeness for you, Kate, but my brain is dead. .__.

But THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU~! And I love you a whole bunch. Thanks for being so great. :3

Friends....enemies....frenemies?

I'm kind of sad that I've apparently lost someone as a friend. I mean, even if we didn't really hang out or anything...it's just really sad to go from talking and saying that we loved one another to being completely ignored. I don't care if I shouldn't care about people that don't want to be my friends. Even if you tell me they're not worth my time, I'm gonna care that I lost a friend. I'm just like that, okay? And eventually, I'll probably get over it. But right now, I want to care. It makes me feel more like me and I don't like to play pretend like that. Y'know, fairy princesses and stuff I can do, but not like that.

It was kind of brought to my attention that this lost friend (further known as Si for reasons that are mostly my own) was asked to help plan a surprise for my birthday and had a bit of an outburst about it on the internets. Now, I don't know if Si was actually upset about that or not, but from the information I was given, it kind of seems that way. I can see where they're coming from, kind of. I'm nice to people a lot of the time and it rarely comes back to me. I can see getting frustrated about it, especially if you're more open and out there about it. But part of me just can't help but wonder, was it because it was me? Because it was my birthday? I know, it's terribly narcissistic, but I just can't help it! It's a reasonable and logical conclusion at this point, isn't it? But I don't know. Maybe Si was venting about something else. I can't really say because Si doesn't talk to me. I thought that I was loved and adored and it'd stay that way, but maybe that's what Anna and Luce thought, too. And things certainly were broken for them, weren't they?

A slightly related note: The day before last, people were all discussing being alone and friendless over break. One person was assured they would not be so because they'd hang out and ice skate! I made a quiet comment that I probably would be, meaning it only to be half-joking (because, honestly, how social am I? My birthday and the New Year's things will probably be the extent of my social gatherings the next couple of weeks). The person that was assured asked me why while other people continued to discuss ice skating and I responded with a quick glance towards the assumed culprit for what seems to be a bit of social isolation. I was pleased because my subtlety was picked up on and understood. That person said that the two of us could just hang out or something, then, and I was just a bit more happy. I was a little less happy, though, when someone I talked to more didn't get how or when things sort of 'sploded...that was kind of sad, really.

But the whole point of this? I want to apologize. I want to be better and all that, but my pride's in the way. And I'm afraid to talk to Si because...well...what if they laugh in my face? Or just think I'm trying to make myself feel better? It's partly that, of course, but...I don't know. Maybe it's all that. I just want to be a good person that most people like, you know? And I hate that someone might still be mad at me, even when I apologized...I mean, did I do something else wrong? What was it? Can I fix it? I want to know so I don't do it again. I want to know so maybe I can't have some epiphany, see that either one of us is clearly in the wrong...and get on with my life. Maybe I need to write about it. Writing about it seems to make everything so, so much better.

I think I might be writing a short tale similar to this. Then anything I want can happen. It may or may not end up on Authorly, once it's been finished...but then again, no one ever reads that, right? So what's the point?

I know I've said it time and time again, but arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh I don't like people. :/

It's a pillow...

...and it's a pet. I've got a pillow pet!


(I'm at school so it's stealing an Internet picture for today.)

But it's fluffaly and adorable and comfy. So it's perfect. (Although now Omar and I have matching pillow pets. I'm not sure how I feel about that.) But yeah! I've got the coolest best friend ever and now the Mario and guitar picks seem lame. Maybe if I'd gotten more it wouldn't...but dude! Guitar stuff is expensive, for the most part! I'm sorry, Andrew! D: Plush key chains and lame guitar picks do not match up to the adorableness that is a pillow pet.

I'm not sure if I'm completely enamored with it because it's fluffy, or because it's adorable, or because I'm getting sucked into the fad..thing... or because I'm like a little kid. It could honestly be any of them. xD But I love Panda! ('S it's name...'cause every "real" name I came up with didn't sound good.)

Hmmmmm. I think I did well on my test. I really hope I did, anyway. It seemed pretty easy and I went back over the answers, like, three times...but...I dunno. I took a long time last time and failed. ;___;

BUT TODAY IS THE LAST DAY BEFORE BREAK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES. So I'm obviously not doing what I should in third hour. But I've gotta speak to practice for Russian now and...that's...it. I'm not gonna practice speaking in the middle of a computer class. And anyway, this has become more of Jenna's Exploring the Internet World of Colleges time. It's probably good, considering I either forget by the time I get home or I just don't feel like it.

WMCAT IS GOING TO BE ON FRIDAYS NEXT SEMESTER. I AM SAD. NOW MONDAY IS MY HAPPY GET-OUT-OF-SCHOOL-EARLY DAY. I LIKED IT BETTER BEING FRIDAY. ._____.

Oh, hey, look. It's Whoa. I almost sang that! (I'm listening to Pandora, btw.)

Oh! Old bestestestesetestestestestet friend from grade school, Miss Allison, posted more in her blog today. Ignoring the few grammatical and spelling errors, both posts were pretty sweet. :] She's over hurr at Intro to Me. She's a pretty good poet, I think, and she already knows it.

nom nom nom.

I dunno. I'm kind of just typing to take up time in this class. *shrug*

I NEED A JOB. Badly.

...or maybe not. I mean, I've got the swim meet stuff, and that'll get me until I'm eighteen, when I'll have better chance of getting a job at, say....Barnes and Noble, right? Right. So I'll wait until then.

.........

But I want moooooooney. And I don't want to do grunt work 'cause I'm tiny and I don't wanna deal with food and people and gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I'm way too picky. I need to be older just so I can get a better job. 'Cause I can't see me dealing with people's crud all day at, like, McDonald's or something. I don't like McDonald's enough to not kill someone for being a jerk. But Barnes and Noble? Heeeeeecks yeah, I could do that. I'd be working at the bestestest store in the whole mall! And I'd be reinvesting a lot of what I made back to them anyway. So it'd be great for them, right?! No. Because they don't want to deal with some kid that can only work so many hours and already has a fantastically full schedule. D:< Darn you, school, band, and WMCAT. I mean, I love all of you...but maybe if I had a more open schedule I'd be able to get a job or something. I dunno.

*crawls into Microsoft Word*
I think I'm gonna go ramble there now.

No Good Deed--

--GOES UNPUNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISHED!

(I would suggest going and listening to that, maybe both in English and in German. German is a really, really good language for this song, I think.)

So, yeah. Wicked. I saw it on Sunday. It was kind of fantastic. All of it. Well, not all of it. Elphaba crawling out of the trap door and running off with Not-Dead Fiyero was kind of a downer, as was the total lack of Liir, but as a whole, it was good. And it was funny. I loved the part where Galinda's just told Elphaba her secret and then throws a fit, saying "I told you a really good one!" after Elphie says that a mysterious bottle was her mother's. And then lays facedown on her bed, away from Elphaba, unmoving. And sits there. And sits there. And sits there. Until Elphie spills about her dad hating her. I loved Galinda then.

And Boq! And Dillamond! And Fiyero! It was all so cool!

Oh, and Vicki Noon, lady who played Elphaba? I wanna be youuuuuuu~

I am even more confused about the whole college thing.

AND IT IS ALL MS. WILSON'S FAULT.

Because she said I was good at math and sometimes I kind of do like it...but I don't know! I like doing nearly everything else, too! It makes me smile when I figure out something in Algebra II and everything makes sense but so does writing, say, 32,000 words (I think I'll continue to brag about this until I *hopefully* beat that record next November) and singing and even my little doodles! Ms. Wilson said that I needed to be a mathematician or an engineer or a physicist or something like that...and the last two sound sorta okay, I guess, but...I dunno! I guess I'm just going to stick with my plan of English major and music minor at Michigan State for now...even though my mom would rather me be at Aquinas 'cause it's so close. It's nice over there, yeah, but...so expensive.

And I'm also ready to kick myself in the butt because I'm being terrible and I just want to be able to say that I miss somebody without freaking out that it's gonna mean crap.

But hey! I have Shane Dawson videos to catch up on. Like, twenty-nine of them. (Yes, I'm rather behind.)

Deep breathes.

That's what I need to take now.
I need to be calm and not walk over to Megan.
I will not strangle, punch, or gouge her eyes out.
I need something to use for relieving stress.
I need someone to decide whether or not musics are happening.
I need last year.
I need last April and May.
Auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh I need happy.

Anna Nalick - Shine

I absolutely love Pandora sometimes. That awesome little internet radio or whatever you'd call it gives me suuuuuuuuuch awesome music that I wouldn't normally listen to on a daily basis ('cause, y'know, I have no time or effort to put towards listening to new music). Aaaaaaaaaaand I love this song. It's fantastic, both the song and Pandora.



They make me happy, whether they know it or not...

Yay for mini notes!

'Cause I don't think I can sleep without writing this first.

Dear Person Who Will Remain Unnamed,
wtf HOW DID YOU BELIEVE THAT EVASIVENESS?!?! I know I wouldn't if someone had given me that crap line. Part of me thinks you didn't, but I can't be sure. Did the look I give you make you think it was a stupid question? I certainly hope so. I'd thought to be keeping that to myself for awhile longer. Or, y'know, for forever.
-Jenna

Dear Adorable One,
If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be worrying about this. Gr.
-Jenna

Dear Snow,
Please, please PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE keep on truckin'. I would absolutely love it if there were a snow day tomorrow (although I think Megan would be upset that she couldn't finish her Munny). I would hate to have to walk to WMCAT in snow. Please just give us a day off.
-Jenna
P.S. PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAASE?

Dear God,
Please keep that dog well. There's been enough crap for them.
-Jenna

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's it. Have a pleasant tomorrow, folks.

Ohhhhhhhh yeah.

Dear GRPS board members,

You now have a rather long email in your inbox. 'S what you get for letting everyone know your email. Those of you that don't have your emails readily available will probably be receiving letters soon. Also what you get for letting your addresses being available.

This better do something. Or I'm going to be really mad.

Sincerley,
Jenna Loserface.

Creativity: Why why why why?

Why do I write? Because I love it.

Why do I love it? It's fantastic and I'm much better at it than talking. It lets me get what I'm thinking out into the world in a way that others can understand. Writing gives me time to mull over what I mean and lets me see my thoughts in actuality. I can reread something and then rethink it, while in my head I might lose something before I have time to comprehend what I meant by it.

Why do I sing? Because I love it.

Why do I love it? It makes me happy. I don't know if I'm any good or not, but I feel like I am when I'm just doing it and it makes me feel like I'm awesome. I can interpret the words the way I want and sing them the way they make me feel and though my bland stage performances might say otherwise, I can show emotion when I'm singing. Just watch me sing Wicked in the car, man. And that's another thing. When you're singing those big old notes or Defying Gravity or whatever...how can you not feel great? It's amazing.

Why do I draw? Because I love it.

Why do I love it? It lets me see what I created in my head, like writing. It shows me my characters and all that without it being tossed out of my head. I'm forgetful as heck and it's reassuring that I've at least got a little bit of talent to keep the basic idea of my characters alive. And while I'm drawing, ideas come to me. Personality traits, little obsessions. I learn more about my characters by drawing them.

Why do I love all this? Because they take my mind away from itself and distract me. Without writing, doodling, and singing, I probably wouldn't be as sane as I am today. What do I do when I'm upset in class? I doodle or write. What do I do when I'm sobbing? I try to sing a happy song or I write. Creativity is what keeps me sane; not just music, or writing, or art, but all of it. The act of creating something new of my own keeps me sane.

Now, can I do any of this for a living? I have no idea. I kind of would like to do it all, but, um...that seems kind of difficult to do, don't you think?

why I don't talk

calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm calm
people are jerks you can deal with that.
you are logical and assume the simplest explanation.
it's how you are and that's it.
be calm
be calm
you're fine
they're petty
you'll be better
take from this and learn
just don't talk
don't talk
talking gets this
this is why I don't talk.
people overreact?
you overreact
just said something that I observed
you're the one that took it out of context like that
was an observation
not freakout
not a tripping moment of trippiness
I don't do drugs
no, that's you
I'm clean
I'm like bones, like you said
logical
a scientist
occam's razor and all that
you're fine
you're fine
you're fine
you
are
fine
what do I do for you?
I cry
I try to cheer you up
I'm the adorable little older-than-you-girl
always try to make people happy
draw you pictures
write you messages
just try to be happy so you will, too
and you do this
don't want to sound betrayed
no, not like the cliche
just trying to sort it out properly
people might say I'm smart
or mature
or awesome
but I don't feel any of that
just stupid
like a little kid
emotional capabilities of a teaspoon
(I'd quote it properly, but I've got a much greater emotion range than a teaspoon)
need Christmas break
need to get rid of the blended model
need friends that I actually see on a daily basis
need to be better
but don't talk
'cause talking only brings this

I need to know who to send this to.

But, for now, it shall be simply to GRPS. Because they suck so fricking much.

Dear GRPS,

Hi there, I'm just one of your lowly students. I used to be one of the students that thought you had potential, but you've pounded all the optimism out of me. Now I can't wait to graduate and I'm terrified of being all grown up. That's kind of terrible, isn't it? I hate being in your freaking school system so much that I'd rather deal with my fear of growing up. Why do I hate you? Oh, let me count the reasons.

That blended model thing? Utter and complete crap. You're using the same amount of teachers you did before, by the looks of it, so I don't know how you're saving money. I have three different teachers for my math class. Three! And I'm tired of it. Day one, I kind of learn how to do the process of the lesson. Day two, Novanet teaches it to me. Day three, I learn how to do it on the calculator for the test. But guess what? Once that test rolls around, I have no idea what I'm doing. I got a C- on my last test. I am kick butt at math, GRPS. Just ask Mr. Mabin, y'know, the husband of the awesome teacher you pink-slipped at our school about a year and a half ago? Yelled at Mr--oh, I'm sorry, Dr. Garner for messing up one of the Montessori seniors scholarship? Yeah, he knows how good I am at math. I bet he'd be really disappointed in me if he knew I got a C-. I'm freaking in tears because of it. I haven't gotten that bad of a grade on an actual test since Astronomy freshman year, as in the class everyone did horribly in (Brian, Lindsay, and Ryan can back me up on that, I think). Yeah, yeah, I shouldn't be so torn up about a grade, but you know what? I am! I want good grades and I know I could be doing better if it weren't for this stupid system. KIDS DON'T LEARN FROM COMPUTERS, YOU STUPID, STUPID SCHOOL DISTRICT. I thought the big thing nowadays was to get kids off of computers, get them active, blah blah blah. Look at me! I'm ranting about how crappy you guys are on a computer. Because I'm sooooooo used to being on a computer all freaking day. Going to the computer lab used to be a sort of treat in class, y'know? I like writing and researching and all that. Now it's all I do everyday. I just want to get through the lessons on the computer and be done. I'm not learning anything.

MY 3.9 GPA IS GOING TO BE SCREWED UP BECAUSE OF YOU IDIOTS. I HATE YOU.

And I hate that not only do I have to deal with you another year, but my sister has to deal with you for three more. I feel so bad for her. She's smart. She's nice. But if you guys keep it up like this...she's going to get frustrated. She's going to get in trouble for yelling at someone or something. I've already started yelling at people this year because I've gotten frustrated. Luckily for me, though, it's with Weber and he gets that I'm just standing up for myself...I guess...I dunno. But Megan's going to end up frustrated and with bad grades that she doesn't feel like fixing but she doesn't want and...it's all because you guys wanted to save some money. Well, guess what, GRPS? You'll save TONS of money. 'Cause all you're going to get to the point where you don't have ANYONE in your district and then you don't have to pay any teachers or anything. You'll get to keep all your money like you're trying to do now.

Also, Bernie? I don't like you. It might just be because you're the figurehead, the emperor, all that, but I don't like you.

I would say something rude, but I don't want to get in trouble.

-Jenna Loserface

P.S. I swear none of this means I'm gonna go nuts and shoot up the school. I'm just going to unleash the terror that is my mother on the counselling office until I get a traditional Algebra II class.

P.P.S. Did I mention we don't get nearly enough prep time between end of lesson and exam? My group might get a day. A day.

P.P.P.S. I cannot wait for 2012 now. Bright side, if it's the end of the world? Megan won't have to deal with this crap for four years like I'm going to have to.