Regrets.

They're kinda funny sometimes, aren't they? I mean, sometimes they can be absolutely HORRIBLE and bother you forever and ever. Others are simple and don't bother you much at all. A good example of the first might be not telling someone your feelings about something, whether it be on a new friendship or a new relationship or just really, really liking someone. The second one could be just choosing the wrong new meal.

Today I was trying to strike up a conversation with somebody (kind of an important somebody that is NEVER online for chat, the loser). I have this little problem with hitting the enter key when I'm nervous about something, though. I mean, I could seriously sit there for ten or twenty minutes with my finger on the key, almost pressing it hard enough to make the computer register it, but not quite. It's happened mostly with this person, but I've noticed it with other people that I'm telling stuff that I'm worried about how they'll react to, too. It's something I need to get over so my typing skills will just be all around AWESOME. I mean, half the time, I would be a lot faster at responding if it weren't for this stupid habit.

Anyway, the conversation. When I first started talking to him online with chat, it was mostly just "spam spam spam spam spam sorry, I feel the need to spam you 'cuz you're never on :P" because I'm cute like that. I continued to do that for a while, too. But then I felt like I was getting annoying, so I left him alone for the next few times when he was online. But, today, I felt like I NEEDED to talk to him. Otherwise I'd just regret it like I always did. So, I sat there, thumb on the enter key (Macbook = tiny enough for this to not feel awkward), trying to send a message. Finally, with a little involuntary twitch of sorts, my little "*pounce* hawwo!" was sent. I had a little sense of dread, y'know, that final twinge of regret that is "ohgawdwhatifthisgoeswrong" before I was just happy I'd done it. Unfortunately, the conversation was not a long one, as he replied "figures you'd start a conversation when i have to give the computer to my sister >>". Sad day indeed. I finally get the courage up to send a message that doesn't go to his inbox to be read maybe hours later, and he has to give the computer up to his sister? But, wait, look. It might just be my silly hopefullness, but it seems there might be some genuine perturbedness in his tone there. Maybe just that he had to tell someone that he had to get off. Or maybe 'cuz he had to tell me that he had to get off? Again, it's probably just me being crazy-hopeful here...but maybe, he wanted to talk to ME?

It's probably just that first one. I'm probably reading too much into this. But that's kind of okay. Because, really? This is one of those second regrets. The conversation may have lasted all of two seconds, but that's okay. I still would've regretted not sending that "hawwo!" so, so much if I hadn't sent it. :)

I'm a happy Jenna right now, even if he is offline. ^^




Also: I made another blog for my writings, too. xD BUT I MADE IT YESTERDAY AROUND SEVEN OR SOMETHING. SO I THINK MINE WAS PROBABLY MADE BEFORE ANNA'S. IDK.
...anyway. Now this will only get my rambles about my life. :D The other one can have my fictions/vague rambles about me life that can be passed off as fiction.